


Satisfaction

by Call_me_corn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-12 12:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17467673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Call_me_corn/pseuds/Call_me_corn
Summary: 6 aspects of life are required to be filled for you to be satisfied with your life. Mind, Physical, Spirit, Love, Relations, and Finance. Without all six filled, you will start to get problems such as depression, loneliness, malnourishment, infidelity, anxiety, trust and intimacy issues, and selfishness.All of these issues eventually lead to unhappiness in the life you are living. If your satisfaction levels get too low, you die. If one level gets to 0, you die.There's a bunch of NCT ships in this book.I update everyday on weekends(Fri, Sat, Sun)





	1. Chapter 1

The cold night lowered Ten's Physical Level. Along with it, his Mental. Nothing too dangerous, once he reaches some warmth the bars will go up. His other levels might not be so lucky. Especially not after the events of tonight. 

———

Mark was feeling great. Spending the night at his best friend's, Haechan, house always increased his Love and Relationship Levels. They have been great friends since Mark was 14 when they had assigned seats next to each other in the back of the classroom. Haechan was there for Mark when he was struggling with his recent move from Canada. He loved school and wanted to learn, but because he didn't know much Korean he couldn't. After school Mark's father worked late, his mom had to take on extra jobs after the move but both of his parents were willing to spend time with Mark if he wanted. Mark's Levels stayed relatively constant during that year. His Parent's Levels decreased. 

Haechan's family was very accepting of English speaking Mark. Haechan's parents would always take the boys out to dinner and try to have conversations with him in Korean so Mark would learn to be bilingual. Haechan's parents were often more involved in Mark's life than he would like, but to him it just felt like they cared. The boys usually stayed over at Haechan's house because Mark's parents were not home. As the years went on, Mark's parents began full time jobs, making them gone even more than before. 

———

The rain doesn't help. Cold and wet, 'something Taeyong would've fixed' Ten chuckled to himself. He frowned thinking of the fake memory he just created. He can imagine being in public and Taeyong erupting in his crazy laughter. Only few people know what Taeyong truly likes, one of those people is Ten. He knows Taeyong's feelings for him. But Taeyong knows Ten doesn't care. He knew Ten would leave. Which is exactly what happened. 

———

_"Ten," Taeyong moaned as Ten pressed his lips against the other. With Ten's right hand on his hip and the other around his head, he guided Taeyong into the empty apartment. Ten lives alone, deciding he wanted a change of scenery after a scandal spread around his previous school. This time Ten was more careful, Ten had to be confidently gay and not let anyone degrade him not for being who he is. They are the ones who should be afraid of him._

__

_One more kiss. "Stop." Taeyong said. Ten obliged knowing he can't ruin his first friendship he made. Ten looked into Taeyong's eyes, who looked away as fast as possible. The hand on the hip slid up to grab his chin and gently tilt Taeyong's face toward him, but as he turned he closed his eyes._

_"Tae," Ten said. "What's wrong?" Taeyong shook his head, thinking._

_"This isn't me. I'm not like this, I just need to go home." He opened his eyes to meet Tens and looked away again. "Not yet Ten. I can't let it happen so soon." Taeyong started to walk out with a hand holding his head._

_"I'm sorry if I did something wrong." Ten said, stopping Taeyong in his tracks. Ten could see him sigh before responding._

_"You did nothing wrong. See you at school tomorrow?" Taeyong was awkwardly facing Ten. Half facing forward, the other facing backward._

_Ten smiled, "tomorrow is Saturday." Taeyong laughed to himself._

_"You're right. Monday then."_

_"It's a date." Ten said boldly, making Taeyong freeze again. "Don't worry, it's just a joke, I'm not like that." Taeyong smiled and feigned laughter at his joke. Without even looking at his watch, he knew his Love Level had just dropped._

_"See you Monday."_

———

Taeyong was still laying in his bed, afraid of moving and what would happen. Two wet lines were repeatedly traced from the sides of his eyes. He knew this would be how his relationship with Ten would end, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. In the end, his Relations Level dropped anyway. His Love was at 27, the lowest he's let any of the bars become. He needed something to love, and he needed it soon. That's why he climbed out of the bed, put on some casual clothes, and drove to the nearest rescue shelter. 

He walked up to the person in charge, trying to explain that he was wanting a small, fluffy dog. He knew he didn't look his best, knew the owner could see him crying, but all Taeyong cared about was finding something to make him happy. 

The owner motioned for Taeyong to go to the back, where they kept their dogs. "You can spend as much time as you like with them. If you find one you want to take home, talk to one of the people wearing the blue shirt." He said pointing to his blue shirt that said 'Seoul Rescue Center'. Taeyong nodded, dismissing the guy from helping him any longer. Each dog had its own kennel with two doors, one on top, one on bottom. Most of the top doors were open with the big dogs head sticking out as people went to pet them. Tae walked to one of the kennels with both its doors shut, inside was a small dog looking right at him. The dog tilted its head and stuck it's tongue out as it panted. He tried to open the top door before reading the sign. 'This dog is agile and jumps easily, if you would like to spend time with this dog ask a worker and they will open the door for you.'

Taeyong thought about asking a worker, but decided against it. He still didn't feel well enough to talk to anyone. He moved to the next kennel over, seeing a young lab playing with a ball. Taeyong smiled before hearing a heartbreaking sound coming from one of the dogs. He tried to distinguish where it came from. It was right next to him. He moved back over to the first dog he saw. When the dog caught his eye it stopped, returning to its previous pose. Taeyong looked over at a blonde lady wearing the same shirt as the first guy. He looked back at the dog who was smiling as much as possible. Taeyong wiped his eyes and walked up to the lady. "Can I see that dog." He asked. She walked with him to see what dog he was talking about. 

"Oh, Ruby, yes. Be careful, she gets pretty attached to people." Taeyong nodded, holding the puppy in his arms. 

"Ruby, thank you." The blonde nodded as Taeyong pet Ruby. Love: 45. "Ruby."

———

(A/N):  
Hi!! I have been working on this ff for about a month now but I have been so scared to publish it. Here it is, I have the first 13-ish chapters written so I believe this might be the first ff I actually finish. 

I'm sorry for a bad first chapter, it's difficult for me to introduce these things so I hope it's not too bad and I hope you enjoy it. <3


	2. Chapter 2

"I swear to God, Mark." Haechan giggles. Mark was relentless. He knew Haechan was struggling to get air in his lungs. 

"You swear what, huh?" Mark smiled knowing his friend couldn't do anything about it. He knew Haechan's most ticklish spots, and he planned to use them against him. "Say it, say I'm the best, Mark is the best at Mario Kart." Haechan screamed as Mark found more ticklish spots. 

"You- you're the be-" Haechan tried before squirming away as much as possible, just to explode in a fit of laughter again. "Mark," Haechan screeched. "Sto-op."

Mark briefly stopped his attack, making sure to pin Haechan in place so he couldn't escape. Haechan stop breathing for a second but he forced himself to breath. In and Out. In and Out. In and Out. "Did you have something to say, Hyuck?" Haechan breathed audibly as he nodded.

"Mark," big breath. "You are the worst." Haechan smiled at his best friend who resumed his attack against Haechan, making him continue laughing until he couldn't breath.

———

_Lunch on Monday was fine. Ten joined their group again today, ignoring everything that happened the day before. Taeyong tried his best to act normal and be his fun self, but on the inside he wasn't truly happy. Today he wore long sleeves so people couldn't easily see his watch. His Relations, Love, and Mind Levels were far too low, he was afraid someone would point it out. He wished Johnny was here, Johnny knows Taeyong doesn't like girls and he accepts him for that. Johnny has always been there to comfort him when he isn't feeling sure about himself. Unfortunately Johnny transferred to a different school. His new school has much brighter kids than the regular Seoul Public School. Taeyong is glad that his friend gets the opportunity, but he hasn't been able to see him in a long time. The boarding school starts in Late June, meaning it's been two months since Taeyong last saw Johnny._

__

__

_Memories of Johnny flooded Taeyong's mind as he ate his lunch. With each memory fading away, Relations was lowered by a point. Taeyong shook himself out of it, putting on a smile for his friends around him. His friends think of him as someone they should look up to. They know he's far from perfect but to them he's hot, popular, athletic, and everyone's dream husband. Taeyong is the co-captain of their schools swim team, partnered with Winwin. Winwin and Taeyong know each other are skilled in different areas of swimming, but that doesn't stop them from having friendly competitions. Every afternoon they race to see who can be the first to change and jump in the pool, they challenge each other on who can finish their warmups the fastest, and who can get changed back into normal clothes after practice. Taeyong usually wins the first two but Winwin almost always wins changing back into normal clothes._

__

__

_Winwin is in his 11th grade year, while Taeyong is in his 12th. Most of the swim team still looks up to Taeyong the most because he is the oldest, but he tries to give Winwin credit for doing a good job._

__

__

_Mark is in his 10th year. The way their school is set up, 9th and 11th years eat lunch together while 10th and 12th years eat together. Mark tends to sit with Taeyong's group and be associated with them because they are the 'popular kids'. Lunch is one of the only times of the day that Mark doesn't spend with Haechan._

__

__

_Today, Taeyong was sitting next to Taeil, the quietest person at their table. Next to him was Yuta, then Hansol. The rest of the table was for the other 'popular kids' but Taeyong wasn't very close with them. He knew them from get togethers and mutual friends. The spot next to Taeyong quickly filled as lunch began. At first, Taeyong didn't think much about it until he decided to see who it was. Taeyong did his best to not let out an audible sigh as he looked at Ten._

__

__

_"Hey," Taeyong muttered._

__

__

_"I hope you don't mind, was anyone sitting here?" Ten asked confidently but politely. Taeyong shook his head._

__

__

_"No, but I guess now you are." Taeyong smiled as he attempted to make a joke but instead made things more awkward between them. He coughed, looking away from Ten and focusing on the food in front of him. Taeyong always brought lunch from his house but some of his other friends, like Ten, had to pay for their school lunch._

__

__

_"Tae, I want you to be comfortable around me, I'm sorry if I went too quickly, I wanted things to start out great when I moved here, and that's the only way I know how to." Ten admitted. Taeyong set his food back on the table and stared at it, willing himself to ignore Ten and not look at him. He saw a light on his watch start to shine brighter. His Relations Level was increasing. He sighed to himself._

__

__

_"I get it, I just— I don't know, it felt way too fast." Ten nodded to Taeyong as if to say he gets it._

__

__

_"Tell you what, come back over to my apartment tonight and we will just watch a movie or something." Ten suggested, his eyes lighting up in hopes that he would say yes._

__

__

_Taeyong thought about it for a minute. "And nothing else will happen right?" He asked and Ten shook his head._

__

__

_"Not unless you want it to happen." He winked and smiled at Taeyong, who just shook his head at the dirty boy sitting by him._

__

__

_"Fine, deal." Taeyong said focusing on his food, not realizing his silent friend had overheard their whole conversation._


	3. Chapter 3

"Ruby." Taeyong mumbled. He had decided to buy her, she seemed to love him and he could already feel himself become happier. As he paid for the dog, his Finance status decreased ever so slightly, but for now, his satisfaction grew overall.

Ruby sat in the passenger seat of the car, looking out of the slightly opened window, as Taeyong drove back home. He knew his parents would be upset at the sight of a dog but Taeyong had a plan. He would just keep Ruby in his room and take her on walks every now and then. Right as he got to his neighborhood, he remembered that he needs so much stuff to take care of a dog. He turned around and went to the nearest pet store. 

At the pet store he used some of the provided leashes to take Ruby inside. As he was looking at the different types of pet food a little girl came up to him and asked to pet his dog. She pet Ruby until her dad came over to say it's time to go. As she walked away, Ruby started to cry out just like she had done at the shelter. Taeyong tried to quiet her down by letting her and saying "shh" but she didn't stop until they were told to leave the store. He was told to put her in the car if she was going to make that much noise. 

He ended up leaving Ruby in the car, with the windows slightly open. And going back inside to pay for the items he found. 

———

Lucas spooned the older boy like normal. The two of them were very comfortable with each other for years. They were on opposing soccer teams in primary school and decided when they got in secondary school that they would start dating. For Lucas, he was very open about it, when he sees Jungwoo in public he gets this huge smile on his face and goes to hug him. If Lucas had it his way, he would kiss Jungwoo in public, but he doesn't want that. 

Jungwoo has yet to tell people he has a boyfriend. His friends at school obviously know, but when it comes to his family, he is way too scared to tell them. For now, his family believes that he is dating a girl in his grade, Joy. Joy is willing to help Jungwoo lie to his parents if he needs to because of their strong friendship. 

Lucas's family knows the entire situation with Jungwoo. They also know much of what goes on between the two when they are not in public. Although they act like they don't care what Lucas does, they care that he is not hurting himself or Jungwoo and they trust him to know what is right and what is wrong. For that reason, Lucas's Relations Level is always hovering around 100. Jungwoo's Relations is nowhere near as steady. Some days he feels so isolated from the world, causing Relations to drop significantly. Other days he feels loved by everyone he talks to, causing Relations to be almost filled.

Jungwoo was nearly asleep in Lucas' arms. The heavy breathing that once filled the room turned into silence, with the soft hum of a fan and the occasional kiss on Jungwoo's neck. The door handle twisted as Lucas's brother tried to come into his room but Lucas had locked the door. He slipped himself away from Jungwoo, who sleepily moved to compensate for the loss of warmth behind him, and quietly opened the door. 

"Whats up Kun?" Kun stood silently and peeked into the room, seeing a sleeping Jungwoo. His face fell at sight of his past best friend. 

"Uhm..." he muttered. "Mom and I are going to the store, do you want anything?" He looked at the door, ceiling, and floor. Anywhere except for the boy in front of him and the boy sleeping soundly in his brothers bed. 

"No, I'm good. Is that really why you came all the way up here?" He asked, referring to his upstairs bedroom. 

"Uhm... yes..." Kun paused before continuing to speak, "and mom asked for me to go check on you guys. You know, making sure you were being safe and all." Lucas now understood why Kun was being awkward, he wouldn't have come up here unless mom was truly demanding him to do so. That knowledge didn't make him feel any better.

"Okay, were fine, we don't need anything." Lucas stepped away from the door to close it, Kun walked away, ending their conversation. Lucas felt a knowing pain in his heart, whispering to himself, "they don't trust me".  
Relations: 70.

———

> _Ten was drinking._  
>  _His body grew numb with every second._  
>  _Mind = 32_  
>  _Physical = 48_  
>  _Spirit = 94_  
>  _Relations = 27_  
>  _Love = 21_  
>  _Finance =_ 93  
>  _No matter how much he drank, he could still feel it. Feel the pain spreading across him. Making certain ways of sitting painful. Why does this happen to him? He was told to be himself, but that person wasn't accepted. The people he once called friends were even scared to be around him. Scared that his presence would ruin them._
> 
> _Maybe Ten is cursed. Maybe something is wrong with him. He took another shot, creating an image of a girl in his head. "Find something you like." He told himself. "This is what you are supposed to like."_
> 
> _The next day at school he talked to a girl in his class. He was determined to like her. The one bad thing— she knew he was gay.  
>  And gays, were not allowed._


	4. Chapter 4

Without Mark around, Haechan's family dynamic changed. Whenever Mark would leave, Haechan was forced to study for school. He had all A's and B's, but he needed to have all A's if he wanted to be able to have a life. He should be able to get all A's, Mark is able to.

Without Haechan around, Mark would spend time working out. Being on the swim team takes a lot of time out of his schedule, but having to always become more fit to get a faster time was the worst part. He had to work out for an hour every day outside of swim practice. Combined with school, homework, and his job of tutoring, Mark became stressed. His Physical Level was always nearing 100 but his Mind was always falling below 50.

Haechan is not sure what he wants to do after he graduates but he knows he needs to make money. His parents don't have enough money to get him through university but they are willing to help if he tries hard enough now. His father is an engineer and his mother is a biologist. Both parents expect him to find enjoyment in science because that's what they did, but it is quite the opposite. Haechan hates science and is struggling the most in that class. His favorite class is choir and Korean. Those two classes come easiest to him. His parents are not supportive of him making a career out of singing but that is his only plan.

Haechan started his math homework. He managed to convince his parents that if he listens to classical music while he works then he will understand the material better, but most of the time he has his headphones on, he is not listening to classical music. Most of the time he would just turn on some Michael Jackson songs and mumble the lyrics to himself.

He turned on one of his all time favorite songs, Billie Jean, and began working on the first problem. 'Billie Jean is not my lover, she's just a girl who claims that--' Haechan stopped singing seeing as he became to into the song and was about to attempt the note. He frowned to himself before continuing with the song 'but the kid is not my son'.

Mark went home to an empty house. He actually preferred it to be that way so he could exercise without bothering anyone in the house. He started doing laps around his couch, pushups, sit-ups, anything he could think of. He clicked on the physical level of his watch to check his heart rate. 117, not bad. He continued to work out until he heard the garage door open. He ran out of the living room he was exercising in and went to his room, getting out all his homework. The only downside to spending the night at Haechan's house is that they never did any homework together. They are in many of the same core classes, yet they don't help each other with the homework unless it is last minute. Haechan tries his hardest not to get to the point of cheating , but sometimes he feels as though life gets in the way and homework is not high enough on his priorities list. Mark almost never cheats on assignments, he knows if he starts then he will not stop.

Mark was just sitting down when his mother walked in his room. "Mark," she called before she entered. Mark set the pencil in his hand and looked up to the woman standing at his doorway.

"Hey mom." He smiled to her.

She smiled back at her son. "How was school today?"

"It was alright, nothing too special happened." Mark shrugged.

"How is Haechan and his family?"

"They are good, we went out for kimbap last night." He said, continuing to tell her the events of last night.

"Why don't you ever invite Haechan over?" She asked once Mark finished.

"You and dad aren't usually home in time for me to have people over." He said, pointing out that he is following their rules.

His mom thought about it for a minute, this is obviously something she was proud of Mark for doing but she wants Haechan's family to approve of her. "Haechan is different, he feels like family. Invite him to come over next time."

"What about tomorrow?" Mark asked knowing that tomorrow is Thursday, one of the days his mom doesn't get off work until 7. She thought about it and nodded.

"As long as Haechan's parents know there won't be any adults and I get your promise nothing bad will happen." She said sternly.

"God no, mom. Haechan and I are friends, that's gross." Mark exaggerated.

"Okay, have fun sweetie, don't stay up too late doing homework." She said as she walked out.

"I won't." Mark called through the door shutting. Mark bit his lip thinking, how was he going to tell Haechan to come over without making him think something was going to happen. Their relationship wasn't like that. At least, not that Mark believed.

———

_After school that day Taeyong went over to Ten's apartment again. The ride over was incredibly awkward, filled with a really quiet radio and the occasional screech of the brakes. It felt as if Ten couldn't live any further away, even though he walks to school. To break the silence, Ten would give half-hearted directions to Taeyong, even though Taeyong knew exactly where he was going._

__

__

_They reached the destination and clambered out of the car. Ten took a deep breath trying to become confident, despite not feeling it within him. After lunch, Ten spent more time than he should have thinking about what movie to watch tonight. "What's kind of movie do you want to watch?" Ten asked, making sure his voice doesn't show his nerves._

__

__

_"I'm not sure, nothing that will make me tired." Taeyong told him. Ten thought for a second, wishing Taeyong would've chosen._

__

__

_"How do you feel about Marvel movies?" Ten asked._

__

__

_"I've never actually seen one." Taeyong admitted. Ten stopped dead in his tracks, causing Taeyong to run into him._

__

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_"No way you haven't. " Ten said, shocked. "It's an extremely popular English thing but they have Korean translations."_

__

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_"Oh okay. My family doesn't like watching movies. We haven't seen many."_

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__

_Tens mouth was still agape from before. Taeyong moves his hand to shut Tens mouth._

__

__

_"I'm fixing this." Ten was determined._


	5. Chapter 5

_The loss of a friend drove Jung Jaehyun back to his birthtown. His friend was buried back in Connecticut, memories of the two friends together in that town triggered Jaehyun anytime he would pass by them. His parents became very worried for him. Knowing that town was toxic for their son, they moved back to Seoul._

__

_Life was unfair to his friend. Born from a one-night stand with a single mother isn't the easiest but somehow he made it work. He was smart, he had an amazing future if he applied himself to life. He had an amazing girlfriend... one who's untimely departure pushed him over the edge._

__

_For weeks after the accident Jaehyun would stay over at his friends house. Sleeping in the same room in different beds. Jaehyun was always a heavy sleeper but he was comforted with the knowledge he was there, in case his friend needed someone._

__

_He did._

__

———

The bus sat outside of their school, ready to take the swimmers to their competition. Taeyong is excited and nervous for today, it is the first time he will compete in a relay race. He likes competing by himself because at least that way he can't let other people down. He has been training extra hard for the past week in preparation for this race and he plans to not let anyone down. 

Winwin sat next to Taeil on the bus. The two became friends through swimming during Winwin's first year and tried to continue their friendship outside of that, but both of their schedules always overlapped, causing the two to not feel overly close. They would still attend the schools soccer games together when they could. Other than that and swimming, they didn't talk much. 

"Are you nervous?" Mark asked Taeyong, taking his seat beside the older boy. Mark is the reason Taeyong is on the relay team today. He encouraged Taeyong to just try it at one of their smaller meets. 

"Of course I am." Taeyong admitted. "How could I not be?" Taeyong has always been kind of close to Mark. He thinks of him as the little brother he never had. Even though they have never been to each other's house, they both spend so much time on swimming and at school that they feel like siblings. 

Mark gave a knowing smile to his friend and shrugged. "You'll be fine, just don't fail. If you fail I'll push you in the pool with all your clothes on." Taeyong laughed but Mark just sat there with a straight face. "I'm not joking, I will push you in the pool." Taeyong stopped laughing for a second but couldn't handle it. 

"Go ahead, Mark. I'd like to see you try." Taeyong challenged. 

"You better watch your back, Tae." Mark threatened. 

"What are you doing on Friday?" Winwin asked Taeil. He shrugged. 

"I don't have plans, why?" Taeil said, trying to hide his hope that Winwin was trying to plan something with him. 

"Well, there's a soccer game I was thinking of going to and I didn't really wanna go alone." He softly said. 

"Oh, there's a soccer game tomorrow?" Taeil was genuinely curious. Usually Taeil is the one to ask Winwin to go to the games which explains why Winwin was so awkward about asking. 

"Yeah, it's a home game." Winwin mentioned. 

"Huh, I didn't know. Yuta didn't mention anything about it. Yeah, let's go." Taeil became excited. Yuta was one of Taeil's best friends and is the reason he started going to the soccer games. Yuta and Winwin aren't as close as they are to Taeil but as the boys spend more time together, their friendship grows. After every soccer game, win or lose, they join the team by getting ice cream to celebrate.

Winwin was happy Taeil said yes, helping him get over his fear of being rejected. 

———

After the meet, Mark's confidence had dropped. He did terribly on the relay and almost cost their team to not even place in the top three. Luckily, Taeyong was the last to go and he gave it his all. Taeyong was so obsessed with making sure people still believed in him and his ability to bring their team up to second, allowing them to place. Mark also competed in a solo race but he couldn't focus on swimming. Something was bothering him. 

After the race he checked his watch.  
Mind = 44  
Physical = 26  
Spirit = 87  
Relations = 98  
Love = 66  
Finance = 89

His statistics didn't make sense to him. His mind shouldn't be so low. Neither should his Physical. Yet they are.

Mark didn't feel sick, he just felt tired. he hadn't done anything different than what he has for the past year or so. Maybe it's from too much stress, it's taking a physical toll on him. He told Haechan while on the bus home, to warn him before they were going to spend time together that he might be sick. 

"Mark, I don't care. If you are sick then too bad, I'll get sick with you." Haechan said after Mark gave a long explanation. Marks lips parted as if he was in shock and had no idea how to respond. 

"Yeah... alright, sounds good." Mark said. He couldn't help but feel light in his chest, thinking of Haechan getting sick just so he could comfort his friend. It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling, but one that was welcomed within him. Haechan cares more for Marks happiness than his own health. Mark didn't see anything wrong with that.


	6. [m]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not going to make this a smut book. This book will mainly consist of actual content and an actual storyline. Please don't stop reading just because there is some smut. No one is forcing you to read the smut. I will not be mad if you skip over it because I know there are a lot of soft stans.

(Luwoo smut warning ;) only first section, there are three other sections of actual content)

———

The first home soccer game of the season is tonight. That means that soccer practice is cancelled for that day because the coach doesn't want to overwork them. They have about an hour and a half to spare before school gets out and everyone goes home, including Kun. Coach likes them to go get a light dinner and drink lots of water during that time but Jungwoo already knows what his plans are.

Lucas met up with Jungwoo in his car right after his last hour ended. Lucas gently grasped the his chin, pulling him close to where his lips brushed against the others. Jungwoo almost gave in but pulled back at the last second.

"Not yet." He smirked. "Otherwise we won't get home." Lucas sighed as Jungwoo turned his attention forward to start driving. Lucas dropped his hand from Jungwoo's chin to rest on his shoulder. Gentle traces of his fingertips on the exposed skin of his boyfriends collarbone. He learned that this drove Jungwoo crazy last year and has used it against him many times. With one glance down, Lucas could tell he is still affected by it as much as he always was. "Stop." Jungwoo whined. "I don't want to die and the people who find me see this." He motioned with his hand. Although Jungwoo was serious, Lucas couldn't take him seriously.

"Okay, okay. I'll be patient." Lucas said, moving to sit with his hands in his lap. He twiddled his thumbs, wishing he lived closer to the school. They both hummed along to the radio as Jungwoo drove on the empty street. He pulled up to the nice, two-story house. He put the car in park and glanced over his shoulder at Lucas.

"Let's go."

The emptiness of the house was calming to Jungwoo. He has been here when it was empty before, but every time recently, someone has always been home, forcing him to suppress his reactions.

Lucas led the way to his room, Jungwoo sat on the bed, preparing himself mentally as Lucas gathered the supplies. As Lucas set the last thing on his bedside table, Jungwoo got up and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. One hand around his stomach, the other between his legs. Lucas's head relaxed back on Jungwoo's shoulder and the rest of his body followed, leaning into the boy bringing him pleasure through his jeans. A loud exhale was released from Lucas, signaling to Jungwoo that he was ready.

Two buttons and zippers later, Jungwoo laid down on his back, naked from the waist down. Lucas pulled off the top of the small packet, revealing the rubber inside. He climbed onto the bed, straddling one of Jungwoo's legs. The condom slid over Lucas, who leaned down to kiss his patient lover. He never pulled away from Jungwoo's face as he prepared his fingers. Lucas grabbed Jungwoo, holding him steady, as he began to give a mix of pleasure and pain to the boy under him. "God, Lucas," Jungwoo scrunched his face at the feeling but eventually moaned. At first Lucas used only his index finger, slowly helping him get used to something being there again. As the sounds in the room got louder he added another. A loud scream was expelled from Jungwoo, echoing off of the walls, hitting Lucas' ears causing him to harden.

Jungwoo screamed out as Lucas's fingers pried him open. The two of them have done this multiple times, but the feeling always feels new, always feels different. Lucas squeezed around the older boy between pumps, causing Jungwoo to contract around the fingers within him. He moaned more, filling the empty house with sounds, the loudest Lucas has ever heard him. After each squeeze, Jungwoo grew louder until it all suddenly stopped. Lucas pulled away, reaching for the bottle of liquid to prepare the rest of him. Jungwoo felt empty, all he had felt before was replaced with the cold air. He clenched his body, trying to get the feeling back but to no avail. As soon as Lucas was ready he didn't waste anytime. Making sure he wouldn't hurt Jungwoo, he connected their bodies at the hip, bringing the pleasure to both of them.

Shifting slightly with every thrust, Lucas synchronized his breaths with each change in direction. Each time Lucas filled him, Jungwoo let out a moan, squeezing his eyes shut more with each thrust. Lucas became desperate to please him. Changing his angle as much as possible until Jungwoo cried out. Lucas continued at his angle, each thrust hitting the spot Jungwoo craves the most, each earning Lucas a breathy cry. With two more thrusts, Lucas had started to pulse inside of Jungwoo. He bit his lip to stop himself from giving into the pleasure until his partner does. Shakily, Jungwoo arched his back, pushing himself to the next level, releasing the built up pressure onto the boy above him. One more thrust before Lucas joined him, releasing all his energy from his body.

Lucas took himself out of Jungwoo, taking off the condom and throwing it away in a bin next to the bed. He relaxed his body, laying on his side beside his partner. Heavy exhales could be heard from both of the boys laying in each other's arms. Lucas checked the time, they still had 45 minutes before they need to head back to the school. He snuggled his head in the crook of Jungwoo's neck, feeling relaxed with the boy he loves but can't admit.

———

**(smut is over)**

****

****

———

Yuta played offense on the field. He always played boldly, every game he treated as if it was his last. Only then could he feel as though he succeeded. Tonight's game was against a weak school, so they expected to get a win tonight. Taeil was sitting by Winwin and Hansol. Winwin doesn't truly know who Hansol is, only that he is dating Yuta. It's been a recent development, the effects in their friend group were just starting to take place. Hansol has been hanging out with that group for the past year, but becoming one of their groups boyfriends was never expected. Everyone knew he was closest to Yuta, but no one thought there was something more.

The September wind put a cold breeze on the boys throughout the game, causing them to cling to their jackets tighter. The boys all scrunched together as much as possible without being considered gay. Whenever Yuta would score a goal, Hansol would jump up and cheer for his boyfriend before sitting back down. To Taeil, it was cute. To Winwin, it was weird. He couldn't fathom how someone would do that in public. Winwin could never.

———

_Even planes had bad memories for Jaehyun. His friend was absolutely terrified of planes. It's something Jaehyun will never forget, no matter how hard he tries._

_During takeoff, he remembered his friend panicking about if the plane is going to go upside, or if it will nose dive down, or if they forgot to fill it with fuel. Maybe if they forgot, Jaehyun could see his friends again._

_Even the complimentary peanuts they give out bring back memories. Their first plane ride alone made Jaehyun nervous, so nervous that he inhaled the peanut and had to be saved by a fellow passenger as the other boy just laughed at his misfortune._

_He remembers taking the trip to Washington D.C. with his class. Going through the buddy system, and messing around with his partner while the teacher tried to give directions. They ended up getting lost in Washington D.C., forever leaving Jaehyun with those memories._

_He and his friend had a plan for their senior trips. They wanted to go to each other's hometowns before graduation. Jaehyun has already visited his friend's hometown this past summer with his friend's girlfriend tagging along. This summer they had planned to go to Jaehyuns hometown, Seoul._

_Unfortunately, they will never get the chance to experience that together._

______———_ _ _ _ _ _

______After the game, the three boys joined the soccer team to get their ice cream. Their school won the match, Yuta scoring 2 of their goals. Hansol congratulated him and bought his ice cream, but continued to hang out with the two boys he had been with for the rest of the night. He doesn't regret saying yes to Yuta, but he does feel pressured to act a certain way with Yuta now. He wishes that wouldn't have changed._ _ _ _ _ _

______With one glance over to the boys next to him, Yuta quickly closed his eyes to get the image out of his head. Lucas, another offensive member was sitting next to Jungwoo, who was sitting on his hand. Everyone knew they were a couple, everyone knew what they did when they didn't attend the team dinners. That doesn't take away the shock Yuta felt when looking in the direction of the couple._ _ _ _ _ _

______Lucas was massaging Jungwoo, who was obviously in a lot of pain from earlier events. Jungwoo is used to hiding his limp when he walks into his house, making sure his parents never find out. After soccer games, his limp gets worse. He has to act perfectly fine in front of the school, and then act more when he gets home. Not only does he have to hide the pain from sex but also the pain from soccer. His parents don't like that Jungwoo plays soccer and wishes that he would not participate in sports. They believe that if he shows any sign of pain then he will have to quit soccer, which takes him away from Lucas._ _ _ _ _ _

______Winwin felt as awkward as usual, being with all these people he doesn't know the name of. "Taeil?" Winwin asked, getting the attention of his friend._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah?" Taeil responded looking into Winwin's eyes to see if something was wrong. He could tell something was happening in Winwin's brain that he wasn't willing to share with his friend._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Uhh..." Winwin said, quickly shutting his mouth. "I was just going to go buy a shake, do you want anything?" He spoke fast. Taeil became suspicious of his friend, but figured it was just because he felt awkward at the moment._ _ _ _ _ _

______"No I'm good, thanks though." Taeil said, leaving Winwin to buy a shake. He didn't actually want one, it had a lot of calories that he didn't need but he panicked when Taeil looked at him. He had to find something to say._ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

_Taeyong left Tens' apartment pretty late last night. They had time to watch 2 of the movies. Ten was adamant about watching them in chronological order and Taeyong just shrugged everything he was saying off. He couldn't care less if Captain America came first or Iron Man, it wasn't going to make any sense to him anyway._

__

__

_While Ten looked for the movies, Taeyong searched the cabinets for food. Most of them were empty, holding a couple bowls and plates, he found Tens stash of Protein Bars as well as his stash of prepackaged donuts. He found two boxes of almost empty cereal and a packaged of marshmallows before finally finding what he was looking for. Ten had 2 packages left of butter popcorn._

__

__

_"Can I make this popcorn?" Taeyong called out to Ten. He realized that he probably should've asked before looking for it and hoped that Ten would say yes._

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_"Ooh, yes, please make some. I haven't had popcorn in centuries." Ten exaggerated._

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__

_"Well you're in luck." Taeyong spoke, grabbing the bad of uncooked popcorn and putting it in Tens microwave. During the first movie they shared the first bag of popcorn. Taeyong watched the entirety of the first movie and decided it wasn't bad. He can see the appeal for other people. Taeyong cooked the second package of popcorn for the second movie that Ten put in. He went through a slight panic, realizing he never texted his parents about where he was and what he was doing. He told them he was hanging out with a friend and he'll be home by 9. They seemed to accept his text, bringing a wave of relief over him._

__

__

_The second movie was different. Taeyong didn't like this one as much so instead of watching the movie, he watched Ten. Ten was obviously very into the movie, picking up little pieces that he didn't understand the first time he watched it. The boys were sitting on each cushion of the loveseat. Taeyong's arm was resting on the back of the couch behind Ten, he made sure not to let his hand fall to rest around Ten. He succeeded for the entirety of the night._

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__

_When the night was coming to a close, Taeyong started to gather up all his belongings. A conflicted Ten watched his every move. "Nothing more will happen" he repeated in his head. "Respect Taeyong's wishes, he's your only friend" he continued to argue with himself in his mind. Becoming the respectful Ten who decided to not make a move on the boy preparing to leave._

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_"I hope you had fun tonight." Ten said when Taeyong looked at him expectingly. Taeyong smiled at the boy._

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_"I did have fun, thanks." Taeyong shied away from looking at Ten, knowing Ten wanted more._

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_"I hope it wasn't too boring for you." Taeyong built up the confidence to look at Ten again. Bad move. Taeyong felt a tingling on his face. A craving to feel Ten's soft lips before he left. "Is this how it should end" he thought to himself. Without answering his own question he started walking toward Ten, grabbing the side of his face with his hand, holding him into place as he placed a kiss onto his lips. Realization hit him as he remembered Ten saying "not unless you want something more to happen". Taeyong immediately pulled back shaking his head._

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__

_"I'm sorry, that's all for right now." He clarified so Ten wouldn't get the wrong idea. Taeyong tried to step back to his stuff but Ten stopped him._

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_"If this is all for now, then don't stop." Ten pulled him in, extending the kiss for a longer time._

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———

The first day of a new school is never fun for anyone. Jaehyun had spent the past couple weeks preparing his Korean again so he could speak with the people he is going to go to school with. After many years of not speaking Korean, Jaehyun lacked most of the skills he needed to have a decent conversation. 

Jaehyun felt nervous walking to his first classroom. His uniform didn't make him feel confident at all. He tugged on the blazer, pulling it closer around him. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, like he was so different than the rest of him.

His speaking skills were put to test when he met with his first teacher. "My name is Jaehyun, I'm not speak in Korean good, but I try my best." He said hoping his sentence was alright. 

"Nice to meet you Jaehyun. You are in luck because math doesn't need many words." The teacher spoke with ease. Jaehyun stood there like an idiot as he processed everything the teacher said. He didn't fully understand every word the teacher said but he was able to create the general idea for the words he picked up. 

"Thank you," He said, taking a spot at an empty desk the teacher assigned him. The desks were set up in groups of 4, Jaehyun completed the only group of 3 in the class, making each group equal in people. 

"Hi, my name is Winwin, what's yours?" The boy named Winwin asked. Jaehyun waited a second to make sure the sentence in his head was correct. 

"My name is Jaehyun." He simply said. He practiced this sentence the most, knowing if he couldn't introduce himself, he would never live down the embarrassment. 

"Nice to meet you." Winwin ended the conversation. Their math professor started to teach class. Jaehyun sighed in relief that he didn't have to talk in front of the class. In first grade, when he moved to America from Korea, his teachers forced him to speak in front of the class when he knew 4 words in English. 

Throughout class, Jaehyun was confused. None of what the professor was teaching was stuff he understood, he's already behind for his age, now he's going to be even more behind. He didn't talk to anyone else in his class, mainly because he didn't know how to translate his thoughts into Korean words. 

Jaehyun went to the rest of his classes. Each one started with him talking to the teacher right before class. Most of his classes were fine, except for his Korean and history class. His Korean class was his worst. He talked to the teacher before class and she still made him stand up and introduce himself in Korean. "My name is Jaehyun, I did live in America but now I live in Korea. I am— join the swimming team." He sat down immediately, feeling embarrassed. He forgot how to say joining in Korean and could feel everyone judging him. If that wasn't bad enough, his teacher had him stand back up and reintroduce himself using the proper words she gave him. With her help he said, "Hello. My name is Jaehyun. I used to live in America but then I moved to Korea. I joined the swimming team at this school." He sat down before the teacher could ask him to do anything else. 

When Jaehyun looked at the clock, he was disappointed. Only five minutes have passed.


	8. Chapter 8

Jaehyun had already met the swim coach when he tried out. He's coming into the season late, but if he becomes a good enough swimmer he can be allowed to compete at the swim meets.

Although he already knows the coach, that doesn't mean his first swim practice wasn't awkward. He tried to follow along in what the other members were doing, but most of the time he just stood back and watched. The coach wasn't there yet, so one of the members, Taeyong, was leading the group in dry-land exercises. Taeyong had come up to him, asking for his name to make sure he was in the right place. Suddenly, a boy he recognized rushed in. What was his name? Jaehyun thought to himself. He cursed himself for not remembering one of the only people who talked to him. 

The other boy talked to Taeyong for a second before his attention shifted directly toward Jaehyun. Winwin!! Jaehyun said in his head. Jaehyun was proud he remembered Winwin. The boy walked over to where Jaehyun was trying to participate in their dry land exercises. 

"Hey, Jaehyun right? We have math together." He smiled. Jaehyun nodded, opting for silence instead of butchering Korean sentences. "Well anyway, I'm one of the captains for the swim team, along with Taeyong, who graciously shared his role with me." Winwin tried to explain. Jaehyun understood about half of the words the other boy said but decided to just nod and act like he understood. "Do you have any questions for me?" He paused, Jaehyun shook his head. "Do you want to speak at all?" Winwin poked fun at him. 

"No," Jaehyun said in English before correcting himself but saying it in Korean. 

"Still struggling with the change I assume." Winwin said, making small talk with him. 

In English, "Yeah, I—" he stopped himself, changing the language. "Yeah, I have many problems with Korean." He said. 

"That's alright, I still understand you, Korean is my second language, what's your first?" Winwin asked. 

"English." Jaehyun spoke, slowly understanding all of the words in the sentence. "What's yours?"

"Chinese." He stated. "Well, I'm glad you want to join the swim team, if you have any questions feel free to ask." He walked away and joined Taeyong to lead the exercises. 

Jaehyun participated with the other boys, moving closer when he felt confident about something. Another one of the team members moved closer to him. 

"Hey, I'm Mark." Jaehyun heard in a familiar language. "I'm originally from Canada but I moved here a couple years ago." He explained in English. 

"So you're bilingual?" Jaehyun asked. 

"Yeah, I overheard you talking to Winwin so I figured that if you actually had a question, come ask me because I'm the only other person on this team that speaks English." He smiled welcomingly to Jaehyun, who did a small bow in response. He's learning. 

"Thank you, Mark." Jaehyun said in English. 

———

> _Find one thing he finds attractive about her. She's attractive to everyone else, what's so wrong with Ten. He felt nothing but an acquaintanceship with her._
> 
> _"Hey," he greeted the girl in their shared class. Today she was wearing her uniform as usual but she also curled her hair. Her normally straight orange hair looked even better than usual. That's something Ten likes about her. Her hair. Although Ten is gay, he wishes his partner would have hair that he could play with whenever they relax together._
> 
> _"Hey, Ten." She smiled._
> 
> __
> 
> _"Your hair looks really nice today." Ten complimented. She smiled, squinting her eyes to be nonexistent as she shifted so Ten couldn't see her smile easily._
> 
> __
> 
> _"Thanks." She mumbled._
> 
> __
> 
> _"Is it for any specific reason?" Ten asked making for conversation with the girl.  
>  "Umm, yeah. It's my birthday today." She told him._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Really? Happy birthday Lisa!" He said excitedly._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Thanks, what's gotten into you?" She asked Ten, nicely but direct._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"I don't know, I just realized I don't talk to many people in this class. I wanted to change that." Ten said hoping Lisa would give him a chance to get close to her. He knows he is not allowed to be gay but he hopes that doesn't matter for her._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Uhh..." Lisa thought about it. "Ten, I'm not- I shouldn't been seen with you." She said quietly, as if she was unsure of herself. Ten frowned._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Yeah, I thought you might say that. I do want to move past that mistake. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want to be labeled as the gay guy. I didn't even like it." Ten lied. He doesn't think of it as a mistake, he only regrets people finding out. He did like it._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Ten, you don't have to lie to me. I accept you if you're gay," She spoke quietly so the other classmates wouldn't hear. "Much more than the other people here do. I just, can't be seen hanging out with you." Lisa said dismissing the conversation as the school bell rang for class to start. Ten nodded._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _"Yeah, okay, I understand." He walked slowly to his seat, away from Lisa. She felt so bad about what just happened, but she planned to be there for Ten if he ever got into trouble. She knows it is bound to happen and there's nothing either of them can do to stop it. People will all hear the story, as it gets spread all across the school. All Ten and Lisa can do is prepare for the damage. Lisa won't be able to help if everyone thinks they are friends._  
>  She wrote on a small piece of paper:  
>  "Here's my number, text me and we can talk."
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _As the class was dismissed she bumped into Ten and shoved the paper in Ten's hand as secretly as she could. He was surprised by the action but didn't say anything about it. Lisa scooted away making a disgusted face for show in front of her "friends"._
> 
> __
> 
> __

———

Today Haechan felt distant. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he knew something was. He didn't feel sick, he didn't argue with anyone, and he didn't feel overly stressed. Mark sat with the more popular kids today at lunch, but he usually does that. He didn't have plans to hang out with Mark after school either, but that's not something that is abnormal. They may act like they are joined at the hip when they are together, but their relationship isn't overly dependent on each other.

Haechan has other friends other than Mark. The only thing is that, for the most part, his other friends aren't in his grade. This makes lunch very boring for Haechan. He likes his 4th period teacher, she usually lets him sit in her room during lunch and she puts on something to watch so that they don't spend lunch just listening to each other chew. She's really interested in the news, and Haechan doesn't mind it being on while eating. Another guy in his class, Jeno, sits in the room with them.

Haechan and Jeno have become friends, more like acquaintances, in the past month. They hadn't met before this year but lunch has really brought them together. The one thing about Jeno that Haechan doesn't like is his love for cars. Haechan learned very quickly to not bring up cars around him because he will not shut up once he starts.

Haechan's other friends are all first years, so they aren't allowed to eat lunch together. They have grown slightly distant since middle school but they are still close enough that they will text every now and then.

Overall, Haechan is pretty lonely. He doesn't see many people outside of school aside from Mark and his parents. He kind of likes it, he doesn't have to entertain more people, but it also leaves him feeling pretty bored. Maybe loneliness is the cause of him becoming distant, although he doesn't think that it would be the cause of this sudden change. Maybe there is something truly wrong in Haechan's life, he just isn't aware of the problem.


	9. Chapter 9

The minute Jungwoo steps inside the school, Lucas interlocks their hands. It has become a routine they do every day. If Jungwoo's parents take him to school, the boys have to wait until they are inside, in case Jungwoo's family sees him holding hands with another boy.

Jungwoo must keep up a certain image up for his parents to see. Someone who is safe and has no distractions in life. Soccer is the most daring thing his parents allow him to do. even dating Joy is seen as a distraction for Jungwoo, his parents don't agree with, but they know they can't "break them up". Everything else is done in secret.

Jungwoo is seen as well-behaved to almost everyone that sees him. He doesn't talk much in class, but anyone who gets to truly know him, knows he is anything but good. Jungwoo wishes he could be good, but he knows the cost of being well-behaved. He won't be able to be with Lucas or have their intimate times. He loves being with Lucas, and he loves his parents, but he can't please the both of them. He has to either choose one, or live a strained double life, full of acting and pain.

———

(trigger warning)

———

On Monday, Mark had his normal, healthy lunch. An apple and a salad, paired with a water bottle he has already filled up twice today. Mark knows that he is bigger than the average person on the swim team. He is shorter than most, yet he weighs the same as them. He noticed the difference last year, ever since he has been trying to work out more and eat healthier, cutting back on many calories he needs.

He's seen great results, his weight decreasing, his speed increasing, and his looks couldn't be better. He is very comfortable with how skinny he has become, just by eating salad for lunch everyday. To him, it's not worrying. Everyone else is proud of him for having the drive to eat healthy. His parents are just proud of him for not becoming a fat teenager, they don't see anything wrong with Mark either. They don't understand the harm Mark is doing to himself.

Ten had nowhere else to sit. His only friends were at the popular table. He knew he should've made other friends before breaking off his only connection he made here. It's too late for that now. The past week had been awkward for him, sitting next to the man he turned down. Today he changed it. He sat on the other side of the table from Taeyong, where Mark usually was. When Mark got there, he furrowed his eyebrows at the sight, but took his place next to Taeyong, where Ten usually sat. Taeyong peeked up from his lunch to see Mark.

"Hey Mark." He almost whispered with a monotone voice.

"Hey Taeyong, how are you?"

"I'm doing great, how are you?" Taeyong said, trying to have a conversation, to keep himself from looking at the boy sitting across from him.

"Uh... well I'm alright, I think I was sick this weekend, so I still don't feel amazing still but I'm better." Mark admitted to Taeyong.

"Do you know what you had?" Taeyong asked, genuinely curious. Mark shook his head.

"No, but it started at the meet." He explained. "If you couldn't tell I didn't do my best on our relay."

"I could tell something was wrong. I just figured you had an off day, but you being sick makes more sense. Luckily, that meet didn't count much as long as we didn't get last." Taeyong attempted to make Mark feel better.

In response, Mark smiled. "Yeah, I just didn't feel well. I don't know what's wrong, it's alright now though, just a bit dizzy." Taeyong believed his friend when he said he felt fine, but once he said he felt dizzy, Taeyong got worried.

"Mark, you shouldn't feel dizzy. Have you drank enough water?" Taeyong asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." He lifted up his water bottle and took a drink as if to prove his point.

"What'd you have for breakfast?" Taeyong made Mark uncomfortable with his question. Mark didn't have any breakfast but he didn't want to let Taeyong know that.

"I had some cereal and a protein bar." He lied.

"Hmm..." Taeyong hummed while thinking. "I don't know, man. I hope you feel better soon, and get better before the meet later." He smiled at his friend before remembering the entire reason they started this conversation.

Ten was minding his own business, eating the food he bought from the school. He wasn't talking to anyone else at the table. If Taeyong was honest with himself, he felt bad for cutting Ten out of all of his conversations. Taeyong wanted to hurt Ten for hurting him, but in the end, it just hurt Taeyong more to see him alone. It's Ten's fault anyway, he is the one that rejected Taeyong. Ten is the one who ended the friendship. As many times as Taeyong could tell himself that, he never fully believed it. He didn't think Ten deserved this, even though he brought all this pain to Taeyong.

———

(another trigger warning)

———

> _Life is cruel._  
>  _Life is unfortunate._  
>  _Life is difficult.  
>  _But only through life can you feel love. Love makes life worth living.  
>  _So what happens when the person you love dies?___
> 
> _____ _
> 
> _____ _
> 
> _Some people find other reasons to live. For now, the only thing keeping him alive is his friendship with Jaehyun. Jaehyun has always been so nice to him. He is glad to have found him. The minute he called Jaehyun about the death of Yeri, Jaehyun left his job and rushed over to his house with a suitcase of clothes. He was there for his friend when it mattered most. He comforted his friend as much as he could, even though Jaehyun was also breaking into pieces at the news._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _Although Jaehyun still had to go to work during the summer, every night he would come home to his friends house and make sure he was doing alright mentally. He took care of his friend throughout the summer, carrying all the emotional weight he could._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _He was there the night it all ended for his friend. He had planned to sleep until two then wake up to make sure his friend was okay, the same thing he did every night. That night he slept through his alarm, waking up his friend instead, who walked over and turned it off, determined to not let Jaehyun wake._
> 
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> 
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> 
> _People thought he was better. People thought he was happy. But in reality, it was just the calm before the storm._
> 
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary for Trigger Warnings:
> 
> First trigger warning: readers find out Mark is suffering from an eating disorder, anorexia. Taeyong tried to ignore Ten who was sitting across from him. Taeyong feels bad for ignoring Ten and wishes he didn't want to hurt him, but he wants Ten to feel pain like he did.
> 
> Second trigger warning: readers learn more about the events leading up to the death of Jaehyun's friend. They learn that Jaehyun had been there that night but was asleep when it all happened. They learn that Jaehyun was putting himself through emotional pain to take care of himself and his friend.


	10. Chapter 10

Jaehyun was sitting with Winwin at his lunch table. Everyone who sat with Winwin didn't speak English so Jaehyun was forced to be in Korean-only conversations. He didn't want to be annoying so anytime they said something he didn't understand he would write it down to look up later. He tried his hardest to follow the conversations and would occasionally contribute a sentence of his own, but since it took him so long to translate what he wanted to say in English to Korean, most of the time he stayed quiet.

He wishes Mark was in his grade, or even a freshman. That way he could have someone to talk to during lunch. Sure, it doesn't help him learn Korean if he only speaks English, but he also just wants to have a friend who can understand what he says.

Swimming became his favorite class overall. He had Mark and Winwin in that class, the two people who became his first friends at this school, and he didn't need to actually learn anything. All Jaehyun needed to do was swim. He doesn't need to learn many new words, all he needs is to know what swim, dive, stroke, and 3,2,1 mean in Korean.

At swim practice, Taeyong was watching Mark. As captain, he always felt this overwhelming responsibility for every team member. He doesn't want any of them to be sick, so seeing Mark not feeling well was signaling a loud siren in his head. After their practice race, Taeyong walked over to Mark, who was catching his breath. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He patted him on the back.

Mark looked at his friend and debated on answering truthfully or lying. Taeyong and Mark have a complicated relationship. They are not very close, but Taeyong is a very trustworthy person. Mark feels comfortable with him, even though he knows very little about him. "I could be better." Mark answered honestly. "I could be worse. I'll feel better later probably." He continued, trying to make Taeyong less worried for him. It didn't work as well as he hoped.

"If you need to go home, you can. I'll cover for you." Taeyong offered.

Mark shook his head, "I can't. I don't have a ride. Plus, I need to wait for Haechan to get out of class."

"Oh right, I forgot some people don't drive." Taeyong smiled at his forgetfulness. He realized the conversation was over but wanted to continue talking. "How is Haechannie these days?" Taeyong asked. As a young kid, Taeyong and Haechan were neighbors and used to play pretend together. Eventually they stopped talking very much, just because of their age difference and when Taeyong moved houses, they had no reason to see each other very often. Haechan would come to many of their swim meets and was in 50% of Marks sentences. One reason that Mark and Taeyong are even friends is because of their connections to Haechan.

"He's good, he's not sick like me." Mark slightly joked.

"He knows you're sick, right?" Taeyong asked.

"Yeah, he doesn't care if he gets sick." Mark told him. Taeyong made an uncomfortable face towards Marks comment.

"That doesn't sound good." He said, wondering if he should be worried for his past friend. "Is he doing alright?" He asked cautiously.

"Yeah, he's doing fine. I just meant he wanted to hang out with me even if that means he gets sick." Mark explained to Taeyong, making him less worried about Haechan and more worried about their relationship.

"Okay, as long as he's safe." Taeyong said to Mark, allowing him to move on from the conversation.

"That's the second time I've heard that in the past week." Mark commented, remembering the conversation he had on Wednesday.

"Who was the first?" Taeyong became very curious.

"My mom, we were talking about letting him come over when she's not home." Mark explained, not realizing what it sounded like in Taeyong's head.

Taeyong was going crazy, putting together all the hints Mark has told him, making it quite obvious, he thought, to what was happening behind the scenes. "Are you guys dating?" Taeyong asked.

"No." Mark said immediately. "No, of course not. We don't like each other like that. We're just best friends and close. But no, oh god, no I'm not gay." Mark explained, talking quicker than usual.

"Oh okay," Taeyong paused. "You just made it sound like there was something going on." Taeyong awkwardly explained. "If there is, you can tell me, I won't judge you."

"No, there's nothing going on." Mark adamantly said. "Neither of us are gay." Mark stated. Taeyong wasn't sure that was the truth, but he believed that Mark wasn't purposefully lying to him.

———

Jungwoo goes home to a wealthy family. He doesn't need to worry if he will have food, water, or shelter, he has access to all of it. That is all Yuta could wish for, a sense of security, but somehow Jungwoo still isn't happy with the life he has. He feels as though he can't complain about the things that bother him because someone always has it worse than him. His satisfaction levels, like Winwin, might seem easier to control to outsiders, but that is not the case. Although one level, finance, is always at maximum value, that doesn't matter for his other levels. Just because you're rich, doesn't mean all your problems are solved.

For Jungwoo, his Relationship Level is always at a dangerous level. His friends are all on the soccer team, even then there aren't very many he is actually friends with. His relationship with his parents is his biggest struggle. His parents don't support him in what he believes, in what he likes, and in what he desires. As a child, Jungwoo was raised to be religious. He was raised to think that he wasn't allowed to like guys, he was only allowed to like girls. For a long time, he did agree with that belief, he agreed that men belonged with women. Everything changed when he got closer to Lucas.

Lucas was openly gay starting his freshman year of high school. Jungwoo was his best friend before he came out as gay, which made it a bit awkward for people to watch them walk around together. They all assumed they were dating, a shy sophomore with the energetic, gay freshman. Since they were both on the soccer team, they became a pretty popular couple, even though they were not together at the time.

Problems started to arise when Jungwoo's parents learned Lucas was gay. They forbid him from seeing Lucas, to the point that they almost moved schools so their son couldn't associate with Lucas. Luckily for Jungwoo, they calmed down enough to the point where they will allow him to stay in soccer with Lucas, but he is never allow to go over to Lucas's house.

Jungwoo keeps his visits a secret. Acting as if he is staying the night with some other friends from their soccer team, Yuta, Jaemin, or Jisung. He has also told them that he was going to Joy's house, convincing them that he was straight and dating her.

A lot of effort went into living this secret life from his parents. Jungwoo became very cautious of his texts, making sure there were no signs he was talking to Lucas or associating with anyone his parents don't approve of. He wishes he could tell his parents that he is in a relationship, he wishes he could bring Lucas to birthday dinners, on small road trips, or to any family gathering. Everyone else can bring their partner, because everyone else is straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 part A is going to be uploaded on Sunday. It is a triggering chapter so please if you can't handle it, there will be a Chapter 12 part B also uploaded which will contain a summary for the previous chapters.


	11. Chapter 11

Taeyong's house was empty when he arrived home. The only sign of life was outside on a leash. He couldn't help but feel sad, Ruby helps him feel better, but now it reminds him of a time where he felt so low. In the back of his mind, Taeyong always knew he was being used for his body. When the time came for Ten's wishes to be apparent, it still hurt. He hoped Ten would be better. He hoped he wasn't being used. But hope is different than reality.

Taeyong felt lonely, for the past couple of days he stayed later at swim practice, allowing him some more time to swim and to make sure all his teammates got a safe ride home. He usually would text his teammates after school to make sure they weren't still at the school, it was one way he showed he cared about their safety. If anyone of them was still there past 5 he would offer to drive them home or take them somewhere safe for a while. The school was not on the safest road to walk on, Taeyong would worry if anyone on the swim team walked home and would practically force them to get driven home by Taeyong. Some may think it's annoying, but most of them understand the concern for safety and would become concerned for Taeyong if he didn't text them after school.

Everyone was a bit suspicious of why Taeyong was staying late every evening but didn't feel like bringing it up with him. Most people didn't question Taeyong, knowing he did whatever he wanted. Only Taeil decided to text Taeyong, asking what was different now. Of course, Taeyong didn't tell him the real reason.

TY: _I'm just wanting to get better so I can be a better captain_

__

TI: _okay, I understand, I thought something might've happened, especially with that Ten guy_

__

Taeil had been watching Taeyong carefully since he heard about him going over to Ten's apartment after school. He would watch for any changes in Taeyong's behavior. This was one of the changes he observed.

TY: _what about Ten?_

__

TI: _idk, I just overheard something a couple weeks ago, he seemed to hang around you a lot so I thought maybe that had something to do with it. sorry for asking_

__

TY: _no it's okay Taeil, he hangs around me because I was his first friend when he moved_  
TY: _I'm just curious but what conversation did you overhear?_

____

TI: _yeah, I get that, but it felt different than just his first friend, it lasted for a while._  
TI: _I don't really remember, you were apologizing and then said you would go watch movies at his house_

__

TY: _oh_  
TY: _There's nothing going on between me and Ten, don't worry._

____

____

Taeil allowed Taeyong to go on without any more questions, he believed that Taeyong was telling the truth, that nothing was going on. To a point, Taeyong wasn't lying, there really was nothing going on between them anymore.

———

After Jaehyun's mom drove him home, she went to their home office to finish up her work. Jaehyun was left alone with their house therapist. His parents hired her to keep an eye on their son and help him through the moving transition. They wanted to make sure he wouldn't follow in his friend's path and wanted to make the transition as easy as possible. It might have been expensive, but in their eyes, they would rather be broke than have their son die.

"How was today?" She sparked a conversation with Jaehyun in English. He shrugged, taking time to look back on the day and see if there's anything bad he wants to talk about. There was.

"No, not really." Jaehyun lied like usual.

"Well, walk me through what happened today." She tried to encourage him to speak more.

"I woke up, went to school, got Math and Korean homework, went to swimming, then my mom drove me back home, now I'm here." Jaehyun explained, making sure his annoyance was shown through his words.

"I think you forgot some details." She smiled at Jaehyun, attempting to lighten the mood.

"I got the things that matter." His voice was monotone.

"No, you got the normal things. You left out the things that are actually important. Like did you eat breakfast? Lunch? Did you take your medicine this morning? Any big shifts in your mood? Anything particularly bad happen? Anything particularly good happen? You didn't include all the things that I'm here to listen for." She said.

"Well, yeah, I had lunch and a bit of breakfast, took my medicine. But the rest was just normal, nothing happened and my mood was neutral all day." He spoke in his same voice as earlier.

"What'd you have to eat?" She asked, pushing the conversation.

He thought back to earlier, trying to remember everything he had. "For breakfast I had a some of our leftover vegetables from last night. For lunch I ate everything the school gave me and some of my friend's soup."

"Who did you eat with for lunch?" She asked.

"I sat with Winwin and some of his friends." He answered honestly.

"Did you enjoy it?" Her question only had one answer Jaehyun could say.

"Yeah, it was fun."

"It's good to hear you're making friends." She said with a smile.

"Yep, I'm trying." Jaehyun spoke. "If you don't mind though, I'm going to do my homework." He said picking up his phone and preparing to get up.

"Go ahead, I'll check up on you in about an hour and a half." She dismisses him. Jaehyun faked a smile back to her and left. Instead of doing homework, Jaehyun went to his room and worked on speaking Korean. Making friends and being able to speak their language was much more important to him than doing his homework.

Mind- 23  
Physical- 82  
Spirit- 40  
Relations- 39  
Love- 47  
Finance- 94


	12. [TW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (trigger warning, please take caution and stop reading if it gets too much, the notes at the end will have a summary)

> _Dear Jaehyun,_
> 
> __
> 
> _You have been my best friend for years. You helped me through experiences where you didn't even know what was going on. All I had to do was tell you how I felt and you would be there for me. You were there throughout my mother's marriage and the eventual divorce, even though you didn't know what was wrong until 4 months after it had happened. It didn't matter what was going on in my life, if I didn't feel well, you would comfort me, even if you were not given a reason._
> 
> __
> 
> _I know I don't have the worst life. In fact, in many ways I'm privileged. I have my mom, I have you, and I know that someone would've wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. Together, you and Yeri gave me a reason to stay alive, to believe good things come out of this life. This support to go on is more than some people have ever had, yet I feel I am making the right decision tonight._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _Although I listed multiple reasons for me to stay alive, only one of them is convincing enough for me to not go through with it. You. I wish you would stop caring about me, because then I wouldn't feel this guilt for failing you. I don't feel guilty for failing my mom, she failed me multiple times. Soon, my mom will be happy with someone else, a man who likes my mom better if I'm not with her. I do feel guilty for failing Yeri, but this way we can be together forever as we had planned. You are the one I am leaving behind, and I feel guilty for causing you to be alone. You lifted me out of a dark place, showing me the light that you see in the world. I once saw that light too, it is very beautiful and I wish it was easier for me to reach, but it is not._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _After Yeri left, I fell back in the darkness. This time, I'm not sure I have the strength to get back up. I feel as though for the rest of my life, I will be fighting, trying to get out of the darkness and see a little light, only to be pushed back down. This time is actually much different than before. This time, the darkness is comforting. The closer I got to the light, the more I saw. Busy people all with different motivations and intentions. The world became very complex in my eyes. After falling, I saw the world how it was before. Everything was straight forward, just darkness. Everything seemed bad because everything looked bad, but this comforted me._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _This is the long and extended reason for what is about to happen to me._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _All I know how to say at this point, is I'm sorry. I am so sorry for not being the strong person you need and want. I'm sorry for overwhelming you with my problems, to not even take time to think of yours. I realize now how much of a burden I was. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I will never know how you truly feel on the inside, because I've never asked you. I am so sorry for being such a terrible friend, ignoring you so I could be with Yeri, not even thinking about the fact that she was your friend first._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _You are the reason I found Yeri, you brought me into the light so I could see her, and eventually this allowed me to fall in love with her. I saw a future, where I would be married to Yeri, we would have two children, you would be their uncle, maybe have children of your own, even though I know you could never see yourself as a parent, but I could. Because of you, I have been able to imagine life experiences I never thought were possible, or that I thought I would even want._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _Jaehyun, you truly have a gift in this world. You make the shittiest, most depressing days lighter. You can turn the worst people into the best. You're the best friend I could ever ask for, sometimes I feel as if I don't deserve you. You have never given up on me, even in times where I had given up on myself, you were always there to help me get back on my feet. For that, I am forever grateful.  
>  And forever sorry. _
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _Although I know I can't tell you what to do, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't cry because of me. You played such a huge role in helping me improve myself and get back up after falling. Don't ever feel like you could've done more. I'll admit, I knew you set alarms for 2 am every night so that you could wake up and make sure I'm okay. That in itself lets me know you care about me._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _This is also the reason I turned today's alarm off. I didn't want you to wake up at 2 am, because I knew you would be able to stop me. I don't want to be stopped. I have been planning this night for a while, so don't blame my death on something you didn't do.  
>  None of this is your fault._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _I am very sorry for what comes next. All I ask is for you to never feel as if you failed me. You didn't. You never have. I still believe you never will. You are the best thing to happen to this world, the light in a pitch black room, and I'm honored to have gotten to be such a huge part of your life._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. I want you to know that somehow, over the past month, you have made me happy. Through such a terrible event, I have felt brief joy with you. I just wish I could get rid of all the pain and guilt I feel for her death. I know you say it's not my fault, but it is. I caused our argument. It's my fault she was upset that night, and I'm sorry, but I don't deserve to live. I caused her death, and I deserve to die._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _So here it is. This is the end of the road. It has been a journey, and I'm glad to have met you. You have a great life ahead of you, I'll always be with you, cheering you along through any dark times you face. I know you are strong enough to get through anything. I hope you never forget me, because I could never forget you, Jaehyun._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _I love you. Stay strong. And enjoy the rest of your long life.  
>  You deserve it._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _\- Doyoung -_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12. Trigger Warning Summary:  
> The suicide note left from Jaehyun's best friend, Doyoung, the night he died. Readers learned that Doyoung had been struggling with depression and "darkness" for a long time, and Jaehyun was always there for him.


	13. Chapter 13

———

_Taeyong and Ten continued to be near each other at school that next week. Taeyong couldn't keep going over to Ten's apartment or his parents would become too suspicious._

__

_"Have you found any cute girls at school?" His parents asked him during dinner one day. Taeyong felt awkward. He knows the answer must be yes. He knows some of the girls and talks to them, but he feels as though saying yes would be bad if Ten and him ever got together._

__

_"A few, all of my choices are people I have been with for the past couple years anyway so I already know them." Taeyong answered. He was not planning to date a first year, not even a second year. It felt too awkward for him. In the next year he is going to be an adult, he didn't want to date a child for 3 years after being an adult._

__

_"When will we get to meet them." His parents teased him._

__

_"After I do, you can meet anyone I date as long as I met them first." Taeyong was being honest but said it jokingly, keeping the mood light between them._

__

_"Well of course, darling." His mom said. "We just want to see you with another girl again. You've been single for 2 years." That's a lie, Taeyong hasn't been single for 2 years. His parents don't know about the small relationships he has had in between._

__

_"I just haven't found the right person, why should I waste my time?" Taeyong said. "If I find someone I want to date, I'll bring them home." Taeyong specified with gender neutral pronouns, just so he doesn't make any false promises._

__

_"I can't wait to meet whoever she will be." His dad added in, bringing the conversation to a close. Taeyong wanted to add that maybe it won't be a girl, but even he didn't feel comfortable in saying he might be attracted to a boy._

__

_The next day, Taeyong went over to Ten's apartment. Taeyong's parents believe he is going to work on a project for his science class with his partner, but they don't know that there is no project. Today, Ten and Taeyong continued watching their marvel movie marathon. Ten bought more popcorn since the last time Taeyong came over, so they cooked up a bag to share between them. They had watched The Hulk without popcorn, but the entire movie just consisted of Ten and Taeyong kissing and awkward silences with a foot of empty space between them._

__

_The second Ten pressed play on the movie, Taeyong opened the popcorn, proceeding to get it forcefully taken away from him. Ten held the popcorn as far away from Taeyong as possible. Taeyong reached over Ten to try to grab it, but he failed. At one point Taeyong was about to climb over Ten's lap to get the popcorn, but he stopped himself once he realized._

__

_"Why'd you take the popcorn?" Taeyong asked._

__

_"Because I bought it." Ten shrugged and answered, turning his attention to the screen._

__

__

_"Can I have some popcorn?" Taeyong asked._

__

__

_Without looking toward Taeyong, Ten answered. "No, it's mine."_

__

__

_Taeyong could tell Ten was doing this to be funny, and although it didn't seem very funny to Taeyong he didn't want to tell Ten to stop. It would've added tension in the room that they didn't want. Taeyong pouted his lip, hoping Ten saw, and turned his attention to the TV. Taeyong didn't know Ten's plan for tonight. Ten knows Taeyong likes him enough as a friend, but Ten wants to push that just a bit more, so he can get what he has been wanting ever since he moved. A friend with benefits._

__

__

_Ten thinks relationships are stupid, but a friendship where you can both gain pleasure from your relationship without having to meet their family for dinner is the best thing to exist in Ten's mind. Ten wants that relationship with Taeyong. About 5 minutes into the movie, Ten turned his head toward Taeyong, making the first move. Taeyong still had his bottom lip out in a pout. Tens mind ran wild with all of his choices of what to do next. He so desperately wanted to kiss the boy next to him, pushing the pout off of his face, but he decided against it. Instead, he would give Taeyong what he truly wanted._

__

__

_Ten picked up a piece of popcorn from the bag and held it between his fingers and thumb. By this point, Taeyong realized Ten had been looking at him for a while. He kept his bottom lip out and Ten tilted his face to the side and smiled at the beautiful boy before him. "Open your mouth." Ten said simply. Taeyong was partially taken aback but obeyed what Ten said. Ten placed a piece of popcorn in Taeyong's mouth, turning into a smile as he chewed. Ten watched the boy the entire time he chewed and until he swallowed. Taeyong opened his mouth back up to accept another piece of popcorn from Ten._

__

__

_"You want another?" Ten asked, holding a piece of popcorn between them. Taeyong nodded his head._

__

__

_"Please."_

__

__

_Ten smiled to Taeyong and acted as if he was about to give it to Taeyong, before taking it himself and holding it between his teeth. Taeyong frowned at the act, saddened he didn't get the piece of popcorn, but mainly acting for Ten's enjoyment. Ten used his tongue to bring the piece of popcorn into his mouth and start chewing. "I thought you wanted it?" Ten feigned confusion._

__

__

_"Tennnn." Taeyong whined._

__

_"Taeyongggg." Ten mocked._

__

_"Pleeeeease."_

__

_"Please what?" Ten questioned._

__

_"Please can I have popcorn?"_

__

_"Can I have a kiss?" Ten winked toward Taeyong, whose face became flushed as he became shy. Taeyong took his glance away from Ten and turned toward the movie, refusing to give into Ten. He honestly didn't mind kissing Ten, it felt weird to know he was kissing another man, but as long as he closed his eyes, it was just another girl. Ten scooted closer, resting his chin on Taeyong's shoulder. "Please baby, I know you want one." Ten rested his hand on Taeyong's leg and waited for him to respond._

__

_Staying strong, Taeyong continued to stare straight ahead, acting as if he was watching the movie on the screen when, in reality, he was going crazy in his mind and not paying any attention to the TV. When Taeyong didn't react Ten stepped up his game. The hand resting on Taeyong's leg started to traced his knee but slowly inch his way closer toward Taeyong's middle._

__

_"If you want me to stop, just push my hand away, no feelings will be hurt." Ten told Taeyong, he didn't want to be accused of assaulting Taeyong, he wanted them to agree that they both wanted whatever came next, and he wanted Taeyong to be comfortable in stopping it if Ten went too far. Ten didn't want what happened in his homeland to happen here._

__

_Taeyong made no move to stop Ten, but also made no move to kiss him. The decision was much more important than having a piece of popcorn or not. Whatever Taeyong decides will determine how the rest of the night goes. About midway up his thigh, Taeyong placed his hand on Tens, stopping it from moving further. He turned his head down toward Ten to meet his lips and placed a small kiss before pulling away for a second. "Popcorn please." Taeyong spoke in a child-like voice, creating a smile on both of their faces. With Tens hand still on Taeyong's leg, Ten fed a piece of popcorn to Taeyong, who responded by taking it in his mouth and immediately pushing it to the side to kiss Ten again. The kiss lasted longer than the first, but short enough to when Taeyong pulled away, his popcorn was still fully shaped in the side of his mouth._

__

_Taeyong rested his head on Ten's shoulder and brought both his legs onto the couch, allowing Ten to continue to stroke his legs up to the point where Taeyong had stopped him. They rested like that for the remainder of the movie._

__

_Taeyong's watch read:_  
_Mind - 82_  
_Physical - 87_  
_Spirit - 90  
_Relations - 94  
_Love - 89  
_Finance - 93____

_____ _

_____ _

_The highest values Taeyong has ever had._

__

__

———

Jungwoo went directly home after school today, like planned. He lived in a huge house, one you can easily throw a party in. Half of the rooms are not being used for anything except storage. Jungwoo has siblings, but all of them are at least 5 years younger than him, a big age gap that stops them from trying to be close to each other. All, except for one, of them don't even know what sex is. Once Jungwoo goes home, he can't talk about Lucas at all. If he wants to text his boyfriend, he instead texts someone named 'Xuxi', a nickname Jungwoo created for Lucas so his parents don't find out about them.

The only sibling Jungwoo is close with is Woojin. Jungwoo doesn't talk to anyone else in his family. Most of the time, Jungwoo stays in his room or will sit in Woojin's room. Whatever he can do to not spend time with his parents. Every night, they eat dinner together as a family. They pray before the meal, talk about their day to one another, and pray to close the meal. Religion is a big part of their family. While the six siblings were growing up, they had to be raised by the church instead of their parents. With six children, they couldn't all get the same amount of attention. 

Especially for Jungwoo, the oldest, he became used to getting all the attention for 5 years, by the time Woojin came along, he was deprived of the attention he had gotten before. Someone could argue that this was the reason Jungwoo fell away from his religion, or maybe it's because of Lucas, it could also be that he just doesn't believe in his parent's faith. Whatever the reason, Jungwoo does not know what he believes in, affecting his spiritual level, decreasing his happiness. 

Mind- 40  
Physical- 77  
Spirit- 22  
Relations- 64  
Love- 89  
Finance- 100


	14. Chapter 14

Yuta, Hansol, Winwin, and Taeil all met up after school to hang out. Today was Winwin's turn to host the 4. So far, Taeil is the only person Winwin has brought to his house. 

Throughout the drive over, Yuta looked out the window, watching the streets he knows turn into places he's never been. Winwin's house is much further away from the school than any of the others houses. He lives in a gated, secluded area, keeping out unwanted guests and annoyances. The high school is not in the best part of town, the houses are cheaper, but very run-down. This is where Yuta lives. As the boys drive further away, the houses gradually become nicer, gaining multiple levels, neat yards, organized neighborhoods, etc. 

Eventually, they reach Winwin's neighborhood, one of the nicest parts of Seoul. Automatically, Yuta felt uneasy. The boys have only visited Hansol's and Taeil's house so far, but next time they hang out, it will be Yuta's turn. Saving the best for last?

The black, metal gate opens with a click of a button. The car pulls through and guides the boys to the back of the neighborhood. "We're here!" Winwin announced, turning off and climbing out of the car. Yuta was unaware of his mouth gaping open until Hansol signaled to him to close it. 

"This is where you live?" Hansol asked obviously shocked. 

"Yes," Winwin was aware he had a huge house, he understood many people were jealous of him. "It's much bigger than my family needs. We only have 4 people in our family." He told the group. 

"All this for four people?" Yuta was clearly in shock. His family has 5 people in it, but his house is much smaller. Yuta has to share a room with his two sisters because they don't have enough rooms in their house. 

Winwin nodded his head and led them inside. "My brother shouldn't be home until later so we don't have to worry about him annoying us." The boys stayed quiet for the most part, especially Yuta. None of the boys have seen Yuta's house, but that is for good reason. Yuta is not confident in sharing where he comes from with his friends. All of them have nicer houses than he does by far, but Winwin's is too overwhelming for him. How is he supposed to impress the boys?

The boys were over there to hang out, play video games, and eat. They created a fighting tournament where 2 people play against each other and the other 2 watch. When Taeil and Hansol were going against each other, a maid came into the room offering some food to everyone. Everyone accepted and paused the game to eat. 

"This is really good." Yuta commented. He hummed in enjoyment as he ate. He looked at his watch, seeing his mind level grow a bit every second. "Man, feeling rich just makes me feel so much happier." Yuta said to the boys. "Look." He said, changing his watch face to show only his mind level, hiding the rest. They watched as his mind became better and better. 

"People say money can't buy happiness." Taeil pointed out. "Your mind level is probably going up because you're with us." He said kindly but was also calling Yuta a liar when that wasn't true. 

When they went back to the game, Yuta and Winwin were still waiting for their turn. "Do you really think you became happier because you've been treated as if you were rich?" Winwin asked, he was genuinely curious and also wanted to break the silence between the boys. 

"I don't know, I think so. It felt nice, and you seem to be happy. " Yuta said looking at his full display on his watch. Eyeing the Finance level hovering at a safe 25 and his Mind level around 75. Winwin glanced over and saw his levels, feeling sorry for the boy as he looked at the finance level. Winwin can't think of a time he let any of his levels get below 30. He always had some fix to make him feel better. "I know money doesn't buy happiness, but it does make it a lot easier to be happy." Yuta smiled to Winwin, but behind his eyes, Winwin could see there was pain. 

———

Haechan went over to Mark's house after school. His mom drove them home and allowed them to be by themselves for the most part after reaching their destination. Mark and Haechan's relationship was simple. They didn't need to talk to have fun. As long as music was playing and they had their phones, they were happy. A lot of the time they would just sit in the same room and call it bonding. 

That's exactly what they did today. They sat across from each other on the floor of a spare room. Mark had their playlist playing through his laptop. Both boys were looking at memes through their phones. Haechan found one he thought Mark would probably enjoy. He scooted over to where Mark could see his phone, casually throwing his arm over Mark's shoulder. Mark didn't think much of it as he looked at the meme Haechan had pulled up. He let out a small chuckle as he finished reading it. Haechan decided that what he found wasn't funny enough for Mark since it was likely he laughed so it wouldn't be awkward between them. 

A few minutes later, Mark found one and showed it to Haechan, who thought it was hilarious. Haechan laughed moving his hand to the middle of Mark's back, lightly hitting it in time with his laughs to show Mark his appreciation for the meme. Once his laughter stopped, he put his arm back around Mark. The time spent scrolling through his feed always made Haechan tired, but never enough for him to actually fall asleep. He rested his head between Marks shoulder and neck, feeling all Mark's muscles tense as he did this. Hyuck wished Mark would feel more comfortable whenever he did things like this. It makes him sad that he can't get closer to Mark, he knows Mark could never understand how Hyuck feels. 

"Hyung?" Haechan spoke. 

"Yeah hyuck?"

"Are you still sick?" 

Before Mark answered, Haechan turned his chin to rest on Mark's shoulder to watch him talk. "I guess so, I don't know why I feel so weird." Mark explained, shifting his head to look at Haechan, but turning away once he realized how close they were. 

"Are you going to be okay, do you think?" Haechan asked, worrying for his friend. 

"Yeah I suppose so." Mark said. "Taeyong asked about you today." The mention of his old friend brought a smile to Hyuck's face. 

"Oh really? How is he?" Haechan still smiled. 

"He's good, he's become more of a mom recently, just because he's worried about me." Mark admitted. The end made Haechan frown. If Taeyong sees that Mark doesn't feel well too, then something is definitely wrong. 

"That makes two of us." Haechan mumbled, turning his head away to rest his cheek back on Mark's shoulder. He pushed himself closer to Mark, sliding his hands around him. Holding on like he would never let go of the boy who is slowly fading away. 

———  
(trigger warning, ED)  
———

The next went like any other day for Mark. Wake up, get ready for school, take the bus to school, go to first hour, second hour, third hour. Today he forgot his lunch at his house, so he planned to just sit at the lunch table and talk the entire time. He eyed Taeyong's lunch as he sat next to him in Ten's previous spot. Again, Ten had taken Mark's place across from Taeyong. Everyday, it seems that the tension between the two grows stronger. Mark and Ten didn't really talk while there wasn't the unexplained tension, but it's too late now to start being friendly. Everyone at the table knows that something went down between Taeyong and Ten, but no one knows what it was and no one wants to ask.

"Where's your food?" Taeyong brought up after a minute of Mark looking at his phone without food in front of him. 

"I forgot it today, but I ate a big breakfast this morning." Mark lied. He felt bad about lying. He knows he doesn't eat enough, he does it on purpose. That doesn't mean everyone else needs to know that though. 

"You sure? You can have some of my food, I'm not sure I have healthy enough food for you, I have some rice though." Mark cringed while thinking about eating rice. 

"No, don't worry, I'm good." Mark said with confidence. "I honestly don't feel very hungry."

Taeyong thought about it for a little but decided to let it slide. "Okay, if you get hungry, just ask. If you want something from the school, I'll buy it for you." 

"No, it's good I have money I can use." Mark said. For Mark, money is not really an issue. He isn't rich but he's not struggling, his family has a healthy amount. Taeyong finished his lunch uneasy. He desperately wanted Mark to eat and planned to force him to do so if he "forgot his lunch" again. Even though Mark really did forget, Taeyong was not convinced. Taeyong worried for his friend. 

Fourth hour, fifth hour, sixth hour, then finally, swimming. Everyone's favorite class seems to be swimming. Maybe it's because it's fun, maybe because it's easy. For whatever reason, swimming is Mark's favorite class. He always gets there early so he can get changed before anyone else. This way he can already be working out by the time someone sees him. 

Unfortunately for Mark, he was later than usual. He was still the first one there, but not for long. Mark had just went back to his locker and jumped back at the sight of another person. For a normal person, becoming scared poses no threat to them physically. For Mark, becoming scared was the last straw needed for his body to break down. After feeling sick and light-headed for the past week and not eating any food today, this small event was enough to cause him to faint. 

The other person watched as Mark fainted. He ran over to catch him before he hit the tile floor but failed. "Mark!" He called out lifting his head up, off of the floor and rested on his lap. He checked Mark's head to make sure there wasn't anything obviously wrong. He couldn't find any problems which is probably for the better. He slid Mark back on the floor, off his lap before looking up to see someone new walk into the locker room. 

"Jaehyun?" Taeyong asked before turning his attention to the boy on the ground. "What did you do?" He yelled and rushed over to Mark. Taeyong started to mumble words to himself that Jaehyun couldn't understand. Finally he got the last phrase he spoke. 

"I knew he wasn't alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary for trigger warnings:  
> Mark forgets his lunch at home and doesn't eat anything for lunch. This makes Taeyong suspicious of Mark's actions but doesn't do anything about it.   
> Mark becomes scared when he sees Jaehyun in the locker room because he assumed he was alone. This, along with his lack of eating, causes him to faint. Taeyong finds Jaehyun and Mark in the locker room, Taeyong says that he knew something was wrong and regrets not taking better care of him.


	15. Chapter 15

Taeyong basically forced Jaehyun to get in the car with him and Mark. Mark was still unconscious and lying down in the back seat of Taeyong's car. 

"Very nice and sleek." Jaehyun said in English, expressing his feelings even though no one would understand him. 

"What?" Taeyong asked in Korean. Jaehyun waited a couple seconds before speaking. He didn't want one of the first sentences he speaks to Taeyong to be wrong.

"Your car, it's nice." He said simply. 

"Oh." Taeyong said, making Jaehyun feel awkward. "Thanks." The car fell silent afterward. Jaehyun wished Taeyong would turn on music because the silent car ride is not fun for him at all. 

"How long until we get to the hospital?" Jaehyun spoke in perfect Korean. Taeyong hummed as he thought about the answer. 

"As long as there's no traffic it should be about 10 minutes." Taeyong said, and with that, the car became silent again. 

At the hospital, Taeyong took the lead. Jaehyun walked by a now conscious Mark, barely holding onto him but ready to catch him if he faints. The boys had to wait for a doctor to be ready. It was very awkward between the three boys and luckily Taeyong got a call from someone Jaehyun assumes to be Mark's parents. He tried to call them earlier but they didn't pick up. He filled them in on where they were and what had happened. Mark's dad was on his way to the hospital to take care of his son so Taeyong and Jaehyun can go back to the school. Until then, the boys sat on uncomfortable ER chairs. 

A nurse came and got the boys, bringing them to an empty room, but then left them alone again. "At least the chairs are more comfortable." Taeyong attempted a joke as he sat down. Jaehyun and Taeyong were seated in chairs next to each other, while Mark laid down on the bed. 

"Yeah, I-" Jaehyun started to say a new sentence but stopped himself, knowing what he planned to say was not even interesting enough for how much pain he would have to go through to say it. Taeyong raised his eyebrow at Jaehyun, whose mouth had closed after his attempt at speaking. 

A couple seconds later, Taeyong couldn't handle the tension in the room. "So Jaehyun, what's your story?" 

"What do you mean?" Jaehyun asked. 

"Well, why did you move schools?" Jaehyun visibly gulped at the question. An image of Doyoung appeared in his mind. Taeyong picked up on the act and quickly talked again. "Or maybe not. What about where did you live before?" 

"I lived in America, but before, I lived in Seoul." Jaehyun explained. 

"Oh so you are originally from here?" Taeyong asked. Jaehyun nodded. "So this isn't your first time to speak Korean then?" He asked. Jaehyun had to process what he said for a longer time but eventually shook his head. 

"I learned it as a kid but—" he paused thinking of the rest of the sentence. "When I moved, I was still young and I had to learn English. My- my parents started to speak English at our- at our home- so I- forgot most of my Korean." He stuttered multiple times before the end of the sentence, but he was still proud of himself. This was the most he's spoken in Korean to a classmate.

"I see. How long have you spent learning Korean?" Taeyong made more conversation. 

"About a month." Jaehyun said, he moved to Korea a month ago but didn't start school going to school until this week. Until then, he took online classes that gave his schools time to transfer all his records and gave him time to get back on his feet after everything that had happened. 

"Really? Just a month?" Taeyong was surprised at this. Jaehyun just nodded. "You're doing really well." Taeyong complimented him, causing a smile to form on Jaehyun's face. His dimples became exposed for the first time since he has been in Korea.

"Thank you." He bowed his head a little in appreciation. He started to speak to signal to Taeyong that he wanted to say something but he needed to think of the words to say. Taeyong stayed very patient and waited for him to think. "I have- spent- much time on learning- it, I'm happy I can talk- now." Jaehyun knew that the sentence he said was not properly formatted but he hoped it was enough for Taeyong. It was.

They continued to make small talk with Mark joining in until Mark's dad was brought into the small room. 

"Mr. Lee." Taeyong said, standing up and slightly bowing. Jaehyun saw what Taeyong did and quickly stood up and slightly bowed to the elder. Mark's father saw the awkward boy but did not point it out. 

"How's my boy?" He asked to no one in particular. His father sat on the edge of Mark's bed, signaling it was okay for Taeyong and Jaehyun to sit down as well. Jaehyun didn't pick up on what he meant so he stood for a second longer than Taeyong, increasing his nerves once he realized he was the only one standing. Taeyong ignored the situation as he understood Jaehyun is just learning all of the "rules", instead Taeyong went straight into filling in Mark's father with the situation as he knows. 

"So, you weren't there when he fainted?" His dad asked Taeyong. 

Taeyong shook his head. "No sir, that's why Jaehyun is here." He explained, giving Jaehyun a small smile. This was the part Jaehyun was not looking forward to, though. He needed to explain to Mark's father what happened today. 

"Yes, I was there." He started speaking slowly in Korean. "I was just walking into- the room, and Mark was walking in— on the- other side. He-." Jaehyun tried to explain, but he realized he didn't know the word for jump or scare. Two of the words he would've used interchangeably. He froze for a couple seconds as he thought of what to do. 

"Hey Jaehyun." Mark spoke in English. Jaehyuns face lit up when he realized Mark could translate for him.

"Oh right!" Jaehyun said ecstatically. "You can translate!" He faced Mark before realizing that if Mark speaks English, it is likely his father does too. A grin grew on his face as he turned toward Mark's father. "Do you speak English too?" He asked the older man. 

His father laughed and nodded his head. "Yes we lived in Canada, so I speak French and English." His father answered in English. Everyone in the room could tell Jaehyun was happy at his new knowledge. He started to explain what had happened today to Mark's father in English. Both Mark and his father understood what Jaehyun was saying, but Taeyong had no idea. He sat in his chair and watched as the boy, who struggled to speak just a second ago, gain confidence and spoke fluently. All Taeyong could hear was gibberish, so instead he watched Jaehyun as he spoke and waited until someone spoke in Korean so he could understand. 

Once Mark's father was caught up on everything that the two boys know, they said their goodbyes and left the hospital. Swim practice was just ending when they left, so they were not in any rush to get back. The drive took 25 minutes this time, combined with the lack of emergency and after school traffic, but somehow, this drive felt shorter. Throughout the entire ride, Taeyong and Jaehyun held a conversation. Most of the conversation was Jaehyun saying "umm" and trying to think of the word he wanted to say, but it was still a much more enjoyable ride. 

When they got back, another boy was by the swimming locker room enterance that Jaehyun didn't know. Taeyong made eye contact with him and became very excited. "Haechannie!" He screeched. 

"Taeyong hyung!" The boy screeched back and gave him a big hug. Jaehyun stood by awkwardly, not knowing whether he should leave Taeyong alone with the boy or if he should stay. He decided to start walking to the locker room before Taeyong stopped him. 

"Jaehyun wait." He called, stopping Jaehyun from leaving. "Jaehyun, this is Haechan. Haechan, this is Jaehyun." Both boys did a small bow to each other in greeting. 

"You're Mark's friend aren't you?" Jaehyun asked. He nodded. 

"Yes, I'm his best friend." Haechan sort-of bragged. 

"Jaehyun just moved here from America." Taeyong explained. Haechan started to talk to Jaehyun in the little English he learned from Mark. Together, they walked to the locker room while Taeyong told the story of what happened with Mark, explaining why Mark didn't meet Haechan at the front of the school like they usually did. 

Jaehyun felt very out of place now with Haechan there, Taeyong and Haechan were making plans to go back to the hospital so Haechan can see Mark. The only thing Jaehyun was going to do was go home. The way Haechan talked made it obvious to Jaehyun why he said he is Mark's best friend. 

Haechan adored Mark. 

He was willing to go to the hospital, more so, forcing Taeyong to take him to the hospital just so he could see Mark and spend time with him. Jaehyun couldn't help but feel a little jealousy to their relationship. He wished someone would love him that much, but meeting Haechan made him happy for Mark. He's glad Mark has a friend like that to take care of him.

He just wishes someone could care for him like that.


	16. Chapter 16

———

_At school the next day, Taeyong was basically inseparable from Ten. This is what Ten has been wanting. Taeyong to want him. For Ten, he believed their relationship will only get easier. He knows exactly what he wants and he knows how to get it. He just needs Taeyong on board._

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_Anytime Ten was sitting by Taeyong, his hand rested on his thigh. No matter how visible it was to other people. Taeyong did feel self conscious when it was obvious and would usually shrug away Ten's hand. Even though Taeyong will agree to what they do in private, he doesn't want the public to see. He is scared people will think he is gay, and he doesn't want to be associated with being gay._

__

_Ten can tell through Taeyong's actions that he wants to keep everything private. Luckily for them, that's what Ten wants too. Ten has learned to despise relationships, so a secret fuck buddy is the best sort of relationship for him to have._

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_They went over to Ten's apartment again today. The same excuse of the project was used for Taeyong's parents. His parents believe that the project didn't get done after they spent so much time on it. Taeyong has always been a good kid, they don't believe he would sneak around because they allow him to date and drink if he wants to. He has no reason to want to sneak around. Or at least, he had no reason to sneak around._

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_Taeyong is no longer that good kid, all thanks to Ten._

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_Taeyong drove the two to Ten's apartment after school. Taeyong initiated holding hands with the younger boy. Ten took the hand but became worried Taeyong was taking this more of a dating relationship than it is. But that's a problem for a later time. Ten held Taeyong's hand close on his inner thigh. Taeyong could feel heat radiating off of Ten's body. He was anticipating the events that were going to unfold today, Taeyong knows Ten wants to do more than they have done, he can see it, even right now, a glance down makes it obvious Ten wants more. Taeyong just isn't ready for a new step in their relationship._

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_Taeyong isn't against having sex, in fact, if he wasn't so nervous, he would've had sex already. Maybe not with Ten yet, but with his last girlfriend he would've. The idea causes Taeyong to become uncomfortable, almost making him retract his hand. He powered through, knowing that nothing that was happening was bad._

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_Walking in the apartment felt natural to Taeyong. He has seen the room multiple times by now that even while being pushed through the door with his eyes closed and his lips on Ten's, he knows where he can and can't step. He automatically walked the two towards the couch, where they have made out multiple times._

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(smut warning ;), will end with more content afterward, don't leave the chapter)

_Ten pulled away and gave Taeyong a push on his shoulders, forcing him to fall in a seated position on Ten's furniture. Ten bit a part of his lip, starting down at Taeyong who looked up at him expectantly. How could Ten resist?_

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_Crawling with a leg on either side of the order boy, Ten grabbed Taeyong's face, pressing their lips together. Ten made small bites, silently requesting access to the rest of his mouth. Their kiss deepened, creating a stronger tension in both of the boys' pants._

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_Both knew they would be taking another step in the relationship today, it was inevitable._

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_Ten moved his hands off of the other's face, tracing his sides before moving underneath his shirt and holding his hips. Ten waited to see if he would be stopped by Taeyong, but he wasn't. He gripped Taeyong's waist harder and pulled him to where jeans rubbed against each other, creating a friction that both boys enjoyed. Without breaking their kiss, Ten shifted with Taeyong following, moving to where he was laying down on the couch with Ten still surrounding him on both sides. Once again, Ten ground his hips into Taeyong's, letting out a moan with his forehead resting against Taeyong's._

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_Nervously, Taeyong grabs ahold of the waistline of Ten's jeans. It didn't take long for Ten to notice what Taeyong's plans were. Using the palm of his hand, Taeyong folded his hand around the bulge in Ten's jeans. Ten reacted by pushing himself further into Taeyong's grasp. Taking care in unbuttoning and unzipping, Taeyong looked at Ten as if he wasn't sure if he should continue with the plan. Ten held himself up with one arm and his legs, taking his other hand to help Taeyong. He interlocked his fingers to where both palms faced the same way. Gently, he guided Taeyong's hand to slip underneath the black underwear. He leaned down to kiss the other before panting as Taeyong took a hold of him._

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_One good thing about being with another guy, he knows what feels good. Using his free hand, Taeyong pulled down Ten's underwear, exposing him completely. Ten made eye contact with the older and smirked. He could see Taeyong was nervous. He didn't expect Taeyong to take the initiative, but now Ten knows that this is what he wanted today. The boys shifted so Ten would be laying down with Taeyong on top of him. Softly, Taeyong grabbed the younger boy at the base, increasing pressure as he pulled up. Ten jerked his hips up at the feeling. Taeyong brought his hand back down at the constant pressure, knowing it would make Ten go crazy._

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_"Tae," he moaned and closed his eyes at the feeling. Taeyong leaned down to kiss him, happy with himself as he continued to stroke the younger boy, bringing him pleasure with every stroke. Ten felt a fire building up within him. He hasn't felt this good since he left Thailand in May. "Tae," he breathed in a warning. "Oh fuck-" he groaned, moving his head away from being kissed and hide it in his shoulder. With his face hidden, Ten let go, releasing the tension in his body as he came. Taeyong retracted his grip on the younger boy moving his hair from his face with his clean hand and kissed his forehead._

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_Taeyong got up and walked to the kitchen to wash his hands. Ten was confused as to why he didn't stay by him on the couch. He pulled his underwear back up but didn't bother to button his pants and walked over to where Taeyong was washing his hands. He snaked his arms around the older's waist, inching his way down to return the favor but felt him froze._

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_"I don't want anything." Taeyong spoke, drying his hands before placing them on top of Ten's, to make sure he didn't try to move them._

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_"Tae, it's okay, you don't have to be scared." Ten tried to comfort. He shook his head._

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_"I think it's better if I just go." Taeyong said, using Ten's shock to his advantage by shrugging the boy away. He made sure all of his clothes were on the correct way and looked at the couch where everything just happened. "why did you do that, you ruined the one good thing in your life." Taeyong thought to himself. He headed to the door, getting caught by Ten._

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_"Hey," Ten gave him a kiss and made sure he looked at him. "You were really good, it felt great, there's no need to be embarrassed." Through Ten's words, Taeyong became more embarrassed of the events that just happened._

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_"I-" Taeyong started. "I'm sorry, I can't." He opened Ten's door and walked out, leaving the dirty boy by himself._

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**(smut ended)**

****

****

_To Ten, Taeyong's reaction was very uncalled for. To Taeyong, he couldn't believe he allowed himself to do all he did tonight. Taeyong was disgusted with himself. "Why did he do that? Why did he give Ten false hope?" He knows now that anytime he spends with Ten, they will need to do more, but he doesn't want that. That's why Taeyong left._

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_He couldn't go home, he told his parents it would take a long time to finish the project, but he couldn't stay here. Not with Ten. He got in his car and drove to the nearest coffee shop. He gained the strength to look at his watch._

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Mind- 34  
Physical- 88  
Spirit- 46  
Relations- 29  
Love- 37  
Finance- 96

_Although the building was right in front of him, he couldn't will himself to go inside. Instead, he turned off his car, covered his face with his hands, and let himself cry._


	17. Chapter 17

———

_After Taeyong left Ten's apartment that day, Taeyong didn't go back. Anytime he was invited he mysteriously had plans, or was staying late for swimming. A week and a half later, Taeyong lied to Ten again and said that he and Mark were going to train together after school. As much as Ten wanted to believe Taeyong, he wasn't convinced._

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_As swim practice came to a close, Taeyong got ready to leave with the rest of his teammates. He was one of the last ones out as always. Warm air hit him as he walked outside, gaining another persons arm around his shoulder. Taeyong froze and pulled away at the unknown contact._

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_"Ten." He said, shock was evident in his voice._

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_"Going somewhere?" Ten questioned. Taeyong gulped and considered lying._

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_"Uh, no, I'm just putting all my stuff in my car. Mark is waiting inside for me." Taeyong explained. Ten didn't believe him at all. "Don't give me that face, I'm telling the truth." Taeyong convinced but his lie was quickly proved wrong._

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_"Why did you change into casual clothes then?" Ten turned around, forcing Taeyong to turn with him. "And why am I watching Mark walk outside of the building, also fully clothed?" He faced Taeyong and gave him a sassy face. Mark waved goodbye to Taeyong and walked toward the front. "Don't lie to me Taeyong, I've been lied to enough in my life, if you don't like me, don't jack me off." Ten turned around and walked away confidently._

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_"I-" Taeyong called after him but stopped himself. He was right. Unfortunately, Ten turned back around._

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_"You were saying?" He walked back up to Taeyong, getting a bit too close for comfort while smirking. Taeyong tried to look anywhere except for Ten, but the close contact made that almost impossible._

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_"Ten," Taeyong breathed, taking a step back. "I don't think I'm gay." He said awkwardly. Ten took another step back and scrunched his face._

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_"So you only like girls?" Ten asked._

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_"No, I-" Taeyong was interrupted._

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_"So you don't like girls and you don't like boys?" Ten questioned._

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_"Well, no." Taeyong said knowing he has felt attraction to at least two people, one male, one female. "I don't know. It's not that simple."_

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_"What do you like? Are you straight? Bi? Ace? Pan?" Ten questioned._

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_"Woah, I have no idea what half of those are but I don't know, I'm not against dating girls or boys." Taeyong said._

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_"So you're bi?" Ten said, making it easy for him._

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_"Maybe, I don't know what that means."_

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_"You don't-? Never mind, it's beside the point anyway. Why have you been ignoring me?"_

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_"I don't know." Taeyong said._

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_"I think you do know, you just don't want to admit whatever it is." Ten said. That was true, he didn't want to admit the real reason._

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_"I- I don't know how to feel Ten. Part of me knows what I want, but I just don't think I should want it." Taeyong said. Ten stayed quiet for a minute._

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_"You feel attraction but can't accept it?" He question._

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_"I think so." Taeyong was unsure of himself._

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_"So... are you attracted to me?" Ten asked Taeyong, scooting back towards him, affecting Taeyong in ways he couldn't describe._

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_"I uh, I-" Taeyong mumbled with Ten getting closer with every passing second. Ten's hands were placed on Taeyong's hips pulling him closer. What Taeyong couldn't describe in words, Ten could feel._

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_"I'll assume that's a yes. So you do like guys." Ten smirked pressing his thigh against the bump forming in Taeyong's shorts._

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_"Ten stop." Taeyong whined. Immediately at the sound of the word "stop" Ten backed away, giving him space. Taeyong was surprised at the action. Before he had told Ten to stop and although he did, he didn't go as far as backing away from him. He honestly felt so bad for having Ten stop. So bad, he decided to give in. "I don't want to do this in public."_

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_Ten smirked and took a hold of Taeyong's hand, allowing him to be led to Taeyong's car._

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———

At the hospital, Mark was excited and embarrassed to see Haechan there. Haechan rushed over to hug the boy.

"Hey, Hyuck." Mark smiled to the boy. He sounded fine. He looked fine. Haechan honestly expected Mark to just jump out of bed. He knows that Mark must be suffering just sitting there, not moving.

"How are you?" Haechan asked.

"I'm doing alright. Already bored to death by the old man sitting in my room." Mark joked about his dad.

"Hey! Respect your elders." His dad said, knowing Mark was joking around.

"Sorry, sorry." He lifted his head slightly off the pillow to bow apologetically twice toward his father, but had a wide grin during the entire interaction. Haechan had a sad smile plastered on his face. No matter what he couldn't change it.

"I'm going to go get a drink from the cafeteria. Want anything Haechan? Taeyong? The drinks are on me." Mark's dad offered.

"I'm good." Haechan said, not looking away from Mark.

"I do. I can pay for myself though so I'll come with you." Taeyong said. With that, both of them left, leaving Mark and Haechan alone. Haechan sighed and sat on the side of Mark's bed, looking a small iv placed in his hand, feeding certain liquids into his body.

It was silent in the room except for the occasional beat of Mark's heart monitor. "You could've died." Haechan said abruptly. Mark laughed.

"You really think I'd let myself die from something so little. When I go out, I want to be doing something cool, skydiving or something like that. Not on the floor of our school's locker room. Hell, falling in the pool would've been a cooler way to go, that way people wouldn't be sure if I was drowning or if I was dead before I hit the water. Leave everyone suspicious with a mystery to solve after I'm gone." Mark smiled at all of his ideas, suggesting them light heartedly, not thinking of how these thoughts affect Haechan.

"Mark I'm serious. I don't want you to die, not on the floor after fainting, not in the air while skydiving, not in the water after falling. Not dead at all. You are my best friend and I don't want you to die, no matter what." Haechan cried out.

"Relax Haechan." Mark reached his arm out to touch his leg. He could hardly reach his knee, but that was good enough because Haechan picked up Mark's hand and held it between his. "Fainting was a one time thing, who knows, it's probably just cause my immune system is working extra hard to fight the illness I have right now." Mark convinced Haechan.

"I guess. Just don't ever do that to me again. I was waiting on you to show up at the front of the school, you never came. I had to find Taeyong walking with Jaehyun before I found out what happened. I don't want to left in the dark like that." Haechan was still serious, obviously affected by the events that unfolded today. "Mark, I don't know what I would do if you had actually died." Haechan admitted quietly, but it was loud enough for Mark to hear.

"Haechan," Mark said sadly. He hated seeing his best friend this way.

"Mark, I love you, I don't want to lose you. I want you to be healthy." Haechan admitted. As Mark opened his mouth to speak, the door to Mark's room opened. A nurse walked in to check on Mark. The boys slipped their hands out from each other and waited for the nurse to talk about Mark's health.

The nurse did a couple of things that neither of the boys knew the function for, and just when they thought they would get more alone time, Mr. Lee and Taeyong walked in the room.

"Was that the nurse I saw walk out of here?" Me. Lee asked.

"Yeah, she just came to check up on me and reset a couple things on the computer." Mark explained. Haechan stayed quiet, knowing they were being watched by two people. He felt uncomfortable. He is used to being watched by people but usually not Taeyong or Mark's father. If anything it was Haechan's parents and Mark's mother.

"Do you know when you are going to be allowed to leave?" Taeyong made a conversation. Mark shook his head.

"No but I can't imagine they would keep me here for longer than a day." Mark said at the same time his dad started talking.

"Unless something is truly wrong, we are leaving by tomorrow." His dad was sure in his answer. The other boys in the room realized that he was probably going to force the nurses to allow them to leave. Haechan sneaked his hand over to Mark's to try to hold it. Mark allowed it but made sure Haechan saw the face he was making. Mark was confused at the gesture but knew Haechan needed this, he was worried Mark was going to die. He needed reassurance that Mark was alive.

Haechan decided to save this moment in his mind. This moment, with Mark laying down on a hospital bed, alive, and holding his hand. This was a time he wanted to keep. He wanted to remember his surprise when he saw Jaehyun and Taeyong. He wanted to remember spilling his worries to Mark. He wanted to remember being comforted by Mark afterward.

The boys talked for a couple hours until a new nurse came in. She had her silky, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was beautiful. Subconsciously, Mark started to pull his hand away from Haechan.

"Hello everyone, I'm here to talk about your bloodwork, Mark. Would you like anyone to step out of the room so we can have a more private talk, or would you like to allow them to stay?" The nurse asked sweetly.

"They can stay if they want." Mark answered hesitantly. He went through all the possible things she could've found out through blood work. He knows there's a lot of things like iron and sodium and things but he doesn't understand the process. Can they find out he hasn't been eating? "On second thought, can we talk alone first."

"Of course, will all visitors please step out." The nurse asked. Technically, Mr. Lee did not need to leave, but luckily for Mark he didn't put up a fight and walked out with the other boys. Haechan was the last one to leave, he watched Mark and looked between him and the nurse. Although Haechan didn't like girls, he could tell the girl was still beautiful, and he's sure Mark, who is straight, saw it too. "That's probably why he wants to be alone." Haechan thought. Taeyong was thinking the same thing as Haechan, and when they shared their thoughts with Mr. Lee, he believed they were right too.

Back in the room, Mark's mind was focused on something else. The nurse started saying words he didn't understand the meaning for. He just nodded every so often, making it seem like it all made sense to him.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" She asked. Mark made eye contact with her before looking down.

"No." He admitted.

"Okay." She sighed. "In simple terms, you blood work shows that you are missing a lot of minerals that are supposed to be in your bloodstream. If I were to guess, I would say you aren't eating healthy enough. We are going to run more tests but those will take about a week to complete fully, it is more in depth and will make sure we aren't missing anything else."

"A week! Do I have to stay here for a week?" Mark asked surprised.

"No, you'll be sent home, we will send you the results and if anything is worrying, we will have you come back." She explained. "For now, we will send you home tonight and you will be on a strict diet to increase the minerals in your blood." Mark groaned at the mention of a diet. He is going to have to look through it and see what he can eat without feeling terrible. His eating habits are very well maintained, to the point that he will not eat something unless he knows exactly what's in it.

They brought the others back in, Haechan came with a raised eyebrow but Mark just gave him a confused look, not understanding what he was hinting at.

"So what's the plan?" Mr. Lee asked.

"We are sending Mark home tonight." She smiled to the man.

"Really, there's nothing wrong?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Not that we found through his first blood work test. We are running another one and if we see anything worrying, we will schedule an appointment to meet again. We are not too concerned because he has no prior history of fainting. Fainting is a very common issue, so not every time you faint will have a major underlying cause, but it's good to check and make sure." The nurse explained. Everyone in the room was smiling at the good news.

Once their talk was over, they packed their stuff up. Haechan decided to go home with Mark and his father, leaving Taeyong to drive home by himself. He got hugs from the two younger boys before waving them off.

"Hey do either of you have Jaehyun's number?" He called out. He wanted to tell Jaehyun that Mark was okay, so he wouldn't worry or feel guilty, but he had no way of contacting him. The other boys shook their heads before heading to their car again. Taeyong's lips moved to the side in a thinking position. He got an idea. Coach might have his number. Before getting into his car, Taeyong texted his coach asking for his number. He knew that he wouldn't get a reply right away, so he began to drive home.

Midway through his drive, coach texted back. He was paying attention to his driving, but the road ahead of him was empty. No one drove near his house after 8 pm for the most part. He reached down and grabbed his phone, quickly texting coach back, taking his eyes off the road for seconds at a time.

The next stoplight he was at, he opened a new chat for Jaehyun, with the number he received.

TY: _"Hi Jaehyun, this is Taeyong. I am just texting you to update you on Mark. The doctors ran some blood tests on him but didn't find anything. They sent him home tonight, it looks like he will be okay."_

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Taeyong finished typing while driving and pressed send. He turned his attention back to the road. He has texted and drove before. He knows it's wrong, and that he should stop, but he just can't seem to do that.

———

At Mark's house, his mother greeted him with a hug. She heard the news a couple hours ago, but had things to do, stopping her from visiting the hospital for her son. "Haechan, Hello." She greeted. "How are you?"

"I feel better knowing Mark is good." Haechan said. He was naturally a suck-up to Mark's parents, but his happiness was also dependent on how Mark felt. When Mark is down, so is Haechan. When Mark is happy, Haechan usually is too.

"That's sweet of you." She grinned. "How was your school day?"

"Mine was alright until swim-" Mark started to say until he realized his mother was still having a conversation with Haechan, their guest.

"You know, it's was alright, nothing too exciting happened. At least until after school." Haechan shrugged, feeling uneasy after Mark's embarrassment.

"That's better than a bad day." She was always optimistic, to the point where it was a bit weird to the boys. "You go get washed up now." She shooed them away.

The boys headed to Mark's room. "Do you want to take a shower first or me?" Mark asked.

"You can, I'll take one later." Haechan offered. "As long as I can use the restroom first. The hospitals toilets were not the cleanest looking."

"Yeah, go ahead." Mark said. Haechan shut the door of the bathroom, when he opened it back up, Mark was getting his nighttime clothes ready. Haechan stood beside him with his arm draped across his back as they looked through the drawers.

"You aren't going to faint in the shower are you?" Haechan asked, jokingly but also genuinely concerned.

"No, I'll be fine, I'll scream if I need you." Mark smiled, laughing at the image of him screaming as he fell. He placed the clothes on top of the dresser. He turned to face Haechan, whose body had already shifted directly toward him.

"You sure?" Haechan picked up the hand that had the iv in it. He traced his hand around where they needle was, a blue color was beginning to rise to the surface. "I don't want to lose you, especially to something as stupid as fainting." He referenced their earlier conversation. Mark was feeling light headed throughout their interaction, maybe he really was about to faint.

The feeling stopped as he walked into the bathroom, shutting the slightly transparent door. Haechan couldn't see details through the door, but the way it was designed, he could see a figure start to get undressed. He smiled to himself. Mark and Haechan have been close for years. They have also spent much of those years in the same house. By now, they have seen each other naked multiple times. Haechan had recently tried to avoid looking because he knows it will just turn him on. Mark's body was beautiful in all the ways Haechan could imagine. For the sake of their friendship, Haechan is trying to ignore those feelings. "Mark is straight. Mark is straight. Mark is straight." The three word phrase became a mantra, played over and over in his head, preventing him from allowing his feelings to take over.

———

Jaehyun received the text from Taeyong. He smiled at his phone. He had to take a while to read it and translate it to a language he understood. He had never seen how Taeyong spelt his name in Korean. He always just heard it and hoped he said it correctly when talking about him.

Taeyong's text relieved Jaehyun. He was glad Mark was okay. That doesn't mean Jaehyun will stop blaming himself for hurting him. If Jaehyun hadn't been there, Mark wouldn't have gotten scared. He wouldn't have fainted. It is all his fault. He texted back a reply to Taeyong as quickly as his mind allowed.

JH: _"that is great to hear! thanks for telling me"_

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He laid down on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest. He allowed himself to feel the guilt for everything recently. His parents stress and lack of spending money, his own stress, Mark's health, Doyoung's death, Yeri's accident, Doyoung's mother and step father's short lived marriage, every problem that occured in the last year was all because of Jaehyun.

"It's all my fault." He squeezed his knees closer to his chest, constructing the air flow to his lungs. His eyes were pierced shut with the warmth of his tears trailing down the side of his face to his pillow. "Everyone would be better if I wasn't here."

———


End file.
